EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT DATING AT 22

What could I know about dating, right? I'm 22. I'm the first to admit dating confuses me, as it does many. I'm pretty sure online dating wouldn't exist if everyone knew how to pair off on their own.

Can you imagine? Just being able to do this organically in an efficient matter? In this imaginary world, little girls just point to boys on the playground and they've mated for life -- like penguins.

No instead, we're left with unlabeled "things" -- in a world where no one can quite pinpoint exactly what a "thing" is but everyone knows they are definitely a thing. Didn't quite follow that last part? Exactly.

So, we patiently wait until we've gone on "enough" dates with a single human to approach the awkward, "What are we...?" conversation. And then in due time when it inevitably dissipates, we're back at square one, swiping through a seemingly endless stream of mirror selfies and poorly crafted bios.

Which brings me to everything I have learned over 22 years: dating is hard.

I could leave it at that.

But through the entire series of Sex and the City, Andrea Silenzi's Why Oh Why podcast, Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance, my own personal experience, Taylor Swift songs, and countless viewings of movies like 500 Days of Summer and When Harry Met Sally, here is what I have come up with:

1. On a first date, if they're asking a bunch of questions, it's actually a bad thing! It means that the conversation isn't naturally flowing (Why Oh Why).

2. If you're meeting through a dating app, it's actually better to meet early on, rather than chatting for a long time. That way you can see what your dynamic is like in person (Aziz).

3. There always seems to be that *one* person that creeps back into our lives (i.e. Mr. Big in SATC). But that doesn't mean that they are "the one."

4. Being truly open to something means being vulnerable -- and willing to sit out on the curb in the rain with your heart in your hand.

5. Breaks... more like BreakS. (FRIENDS -- Ross and Rachel. Enough said.)

6. Going on exciting dates can help you like a person more than a standard dinner/coffee date -- you associate the adrenaline rush with your feelings for a person. (Read Modern Romance for more on this phenomenon -- it's actually pretty interesting).

7.  Often times one person likes the other person more -- and it sucks on both sides (500 Days of Summer -- and personal experience).

8. You shouldn't stay with someone you're not crazy about just because they check some boxes or sound good on paper.

9. You also deserve better than being with someone who falls anywhere short of being absolutely crazy about you, too (Half of My Heart -- John Mayer).

9.5. But watch out for the people who are just straight up crazy.

10. Your ex is an "ex" for a reason.

11. Most people have to kiss more than their fair share of frogs (or in my case, go on a string of bad coffee dates) before meeting Prince Charming. 

12. Sometimes, we need to take breaks from the dating scene to take care of ourselves first. 

13. If you start to like hanging out with someone else more than your significant other, it's probably time to move on. 

14. No matter how well a first date goes, saying "I love you" is NEVER appropriate. (How I Met Your Mother). 

15. Facebook stalking your ex is not helping you move on (weirdly enough -- a college class called the Dynamics of Online Relationships -- and no, it was not just about online dating). 

16. Maybe there is no "one," maybe there's just "the one right now" (a monologue I did in college). 

17. Getting together with someone who still has feelings for their ex will always end badly (#tb to the time I learned this about a guy I was seeing from his Twitter. #unfollowed #classycollegeboys). 

18. Sometimes it's best to have low expectations -- but that doesn't mean lowering your standards. 

19. Having more options isn't necessarily a good thing. With the invention of online dating comes that seemingly endless stream of profiles to swipe through -- leaving people more easily unsatisfied, because they're always wondering if there is something better out there (Aziz's Modern Romance). 

20. Dating is hard -- until you find the right person who makes it easy (Why oh Why).

21. Sometimes you just have to Shake It Off and sing Our Song Fearlessly with someone in your Wildest Dreams when you're 22 because You Belong With Me... and because let's be real: sometimes Taylor Swift songs are annoyingly relatable.

22. 22 is too young to settle.

There's this country song called, Settlin', and one of the first lines is "don't even know why I try when I know how it ends... lookin' like another we could be friends." The song is all about not settling, and I can't get it out of my head lately.

At 22, I'm not ready to settle for mediocre.

As Carrie Bradshaw once said, "Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with."

SHE CALLED ME "HONEY GIRL"

It's gloomy in Madison today. The sun is hiding. It's much cooler than the last few 90 degree days we have experienced. But I find it fitting for the news I woke up to this morning. In March of my freshman year I found out that my Grandma Barb was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

Ever since then, I was positive that she would recover. She had to. She was the strongest, kindest person I knew. She taught me to believe in God, so I had faith that she would make a full recovery. Some time my sophomore year she entered remission, and I was confident that she had beat it. A few short months later, the cancer came back with a vengeance. And it was here to stay. 

This morning I woke up to a notification from her Caring Bridge page saying that she had transitioned to her final stages of life. I knew last week when I came home that it was probably the last time I would see her, and it was one of the hardest days of my life. But she wouldn't want me to focus on the negativity. 

Right before we left I started crying, and she told me to find the humor in everything. She never stopped cracking jokes. So, instead of focusing on her illness, I'm writing this, because I want to share the impact that she had on my life. 

She played a big part in who I am today. Whatever I wanted to do, she made me feel like it was possible. When I told her freshman year that I was still considering pre-med, she urged me to follow my passions, because she knew that I wanted to be a writer more than anything else. She wanted me to be happy. 

She took care of us when my mom was working. I loved coming home from school and getting to talk with my grandma. It was the highlight of my day. She was always telling me about books she was reading and giving me books. I was always so impressed by how many books she could go through so quickly. And I wanted to be just like her. 

Grandma Barb and her father

She wanted us to be happy. She walked down the aisle to Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds" when she married her current husband when I was a kid. I keep listening to it on repeat, because I can feel her energy just listening to it. Even in her dying days she was more concerned about everyone else than herself. She wanted everyone else to be happy. She apologized to my mom for the inconvenience she caused by falling and breaking her hip one day when they came over. Who does that?! She broke her hip! And she was more concerned with the distress it caused my mom and siblings. 

She impacted everyone she met. From her random acts of kindness to constantly making people smile, she touched everyone around her. She was someone you could never forget. My grandma is filled with a type of energy that is contagious. I liked to say she was spunky. Her style was amazing: She always had the most colorful clothing and beautiful earrings. How could you not be happy around her? She taught me to be kind to everyone that I met and to try to make someone else's day, because you never know what they are going through. 

She called me "Honey Girl." This is one of the things that I will miss the most. I will miss her hugs. I will miss her pep talks. And I will miss her calling me "Honey Girl." I don't know what it is about it, but it always made me feel comforted. Whenever I was upset, I was embraced with a "Honey Girl, it's going to be okay." And I really believed her. 

There is so much more that I am thinking and feeling, but I couldn't possibly express it all in one post. What I hope that you can take away from this is to always remember how much the people around you are impacting your life. Don't be regretful for lost time, but be thankful for the time you had with them. I am so grateful that I got to be her granddaughter, and while all I want is more time with her, I know that she will always be with me. 

Whether it's a smile to someone at Target or calling a loved one you haven't spoken to in a while, please pass along some joy today for Barbara Jean.

Though you will probably not get to see this, I am going to miss you more than you will ever know. I love you so much, Grandma. 

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A BIG AGE GAP BETWEEN SIBLINGS

Anyone who knows me knows that I adore my little sister. Of course I love my other siblings and the rest of my family. But not much compares to the special bond that I have formed with this sweet little girl, and I think our 15-year age difference has made us even closer. 

We are less likely to fight. 

First of all there are a lot of things that we don't have to worry about fighting over. We can't steal each other's clothes, friends, or boyfriends. She has pretended to steal one of my shirts before, though. I almost let her keep it, because it was so adorable for her to even try to pull that. Every once in a while she will try to pick a fight, but it usually just consists of her telling Mom that I am a "meanie" because I would do something like get her ice cream at that very second. 

I get a mini-me. 

Today I pulled out my computer to work on blog stuff while we were watching TV. Before I knew it, she was plopped down next to me with her toy computer. She put her tiny hand on my knee, and even said, "I'm copying you." They say mimicry is the highest form of flattery, don't they? She kept stealing glances at me to see how I had changed my posture, and she would laugh every time I did--even if what I was laughing about when right over her head. It's a pretty incredible thing influencing a kid this way. It makes you feel pretty special. 

Childhood basically never ends.

So maybe playing toys isn't exactly my idea of a good time. But seeing the light in her eyes when we do play is definitely worth it. My favorite is when she starts to imitate things that she has obviously heard an adult say before. Even when she was two-years-old she would say things playing with dolls that I had heard my mom say to her before. It's so cute to see what really sticks with them and how they re-use it in their own way. Plus, having a little sister means I have an excuse to watch the movies and TV shows that I grew up on again. Someone at work once pointed out that every time we were talking about Spongebob I would always say, "I was watching this one with my little sister, and ..." So what if that little yellow sponge still cracks me up? It's great bonding time with sister. 

It makes me realize I don't want my own children for a very long time. 

I don't understand how people my age have babies--I mean I get how it happens. Obviously the stork got lost on his way to a nice older married couples house. But really, I am so far from being ready to take care of a baby, and having a little sister at this age has been so eye-opening to really how much of a responsibility a child is. As much fun as my little sister is, she whines, cries, and pleads for constant attention--and toys! I could not handle a child right now. I have a hard enough time stressing over things like study abroad and what color I should paint my nails next. Thank God for my little sister. 

She made my dreams come true. 

B.S. (Before Sydney), I prayed for a little sister for years. I cried both times my parents told me that I was going to have a brother. I spent countless hours trying to persuade them to try again or adopt me a sister. Once I even asked my mom if she was lying to me all these years, hoping that I had a twin that they had to give away for mysterious reasons. I would dream about what my little sister would be like, resenting my brothers for their gender, because I so hopelessly wanted a little sister.  I even tried to dress them up as a girls a few times. When my mom first found out she was having another baby, I was furious. I was fourteen, and I knew our lives would change forever. I told her that if it was another boy, I was moving out*. But finding out she was a girl was one of the best days of my life. Since then, some of my best memories of her include the first time she told me that she loved me, and the time she told me that I was her best friend. 

1 year ago!

I love this little girl more than words can express. It has been such a privilege to watch her grow up, and change so much. I can't believe she is already 5-years-old--or that I have a sister that is 5-years-old. Happy birthday, little sis! (Even though she won't be able to read this for a few more years...) 

*Admittedly, that was a bit melodramatic. 

**The two in the picture above are not my only siblings! But that was one of the best recent pictures I could find demonstrating the age gaps. 

What kind of relationship do you have with your siblings? 

TOP 10 FAVORITE TV COUPLES

*Spoiler Alert* I apologize if you have one of these shows on your to-watch list, and you don't already know that these couples get together. But when you watch it actually happen, I promise it will still be magical, because these couples are meant to be. 

10. April and Andy // Parks and Rec

Admittedly, I was a little weirded out when April first had a crush on Andy. But as soon as I realized how perfect they actually are for each other, I was on board. 

9. Marshall and Lily // How I Met Your Mother

Forget Ted. Marshall and Lily are my favorite part about this show. They really get each other, and they are always supportive of each other, no matter what ridiculous idea Marshall has. 

8. Mindy and Danny  // The Mindy Project

Mindy had a few different boyfriends before Danny. Then they went through the whole "will they, won't they thing" for a while--which is always exciting, yet frustrating. Mindy's old boyfriends were okay, but I am team Danny and Mindy forever. 

7. Brooke and Julian // One Tree Hill

Brooke Davis is one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. Seeing her happiness with Julian was one of my favorite parts of this whole series. Every girl dreams that a man would love her as much as Julian loves Brooke. This is the stuff in fairytales. 

6. Ben and Leslie // Parks and Rec

Who wouldn't love a guy got eclairs in the shape of the first letter of their name? (Hint to future love-interests: I feel like a T wouldn't be that difficult to make happen). Plus, Ben resigns from his job just so that they can be together. That's commitment. 

5. Nick and Jess // New Girl

I swear they are meant to be together, and I don't understand why they would ever break up. These two are great friends and all, but I think they are much better in a relationship. 

4. Monica and Chandler // Friends

Ross and Rachel are overrated. The real couple in this show is Monica and Chandler. I mean look at them; they are perfect together. 

3. Jim and Pam // The Office

Just look at the way he looks at her. As I said in one of my recent posts, work relationships might not be the best idea, unless you are Jim and Pam. I fully support this relationship. 

2. Blair and Chuck // Gossip Girl

Admittedly, Chuck and Blair have a somewhat rocky past. But the couple you should be rooting for is never Dan and Serena. These two are a power couple. 

1. Nathan and Haley // One Tree Hill

It's crazy, because when the show starts this seems like the least-likely combination. It never even crossed my mind that they might become friends. Her best friend just happens to be his enemy (and half brother). Yet, these two ended up being my favorite TV couple of all time. 

These are only a few of the fictional relationships that I have loved watch develop. They have made me smile and laugh. And I can only hope that some day I have a relationship with this level of awesomeness. 

What are some of your favorite TV romances?

A LOVE LETTER TO SUMMER

Dear Summer,

I have never been in love. I have been in lust (as you can see here, here, and here). But with you it's different. I promise this isn't something I say to every other season.

The time I spend with you is extra special, because I know it cannot last forever. But the truth is I am happiest when you are around. You invite endless adventure and time to do everything I put off during the rest of the year. My smile is a little bit brighter when I'm with you. And I get a little sad when I think about what it will be like without you, but I am appreciative of the time I have with you now. 

I could spend hours gazing at the lakes on the warm summer nights. Mornings by the lake are serene. Afternoons by the lake are lively. And nights by the lake are a part of some of my favorite memories. 

I know our relationship isn't always healthy, but sometimes you just want a little danger in your life for the thrill of it. You know? I'm tempted to forget the SPF 30, because of the beautiful glow I know I could have. But I know it's not good for me.

It makes me giddy just thinking about all the fun times we still have ahead of us. The late night talks that last until we are convinced we have uncovered the meaning of life at 3am. The random ice cream runs, because it is too hot to eat anything else. And the spontaneous adventures that turn into stories we will tell for years.

I'm usually not one to broadcast my relationships, but I want the world to know about our love affair. I am madly and hopelessly in love with you, Summer.

 

10 THINGS TO THANK MY MOM FOR ON MOTHER'S DAY

When I was little, my mom told me that one day I would want to leave and go live somewhere else on my own. I told her that I was certain that day would never come, because I loved my mommy and daddy so much. Sure enough, she was right--as always. The day came, and they dropped me off at college. Unfortunately, this will have to be my second Mother's Day apart from you, because of school.

I wish more than anything that I could be there with you today, but since I cannot, here are a few things I want you to thank you for:

1. For always believing in me.

I have had big dreams from a young age. I bounced around from saying I wanted to be everything from an actress to a doctor, and you always made me feel like I could do whatever I wanted.

2. For never holding it against me when I was wrong.

I will be the first to admit that I was wrong plenty of times. But you taught me to take responsibility for when I was wrong, and we could never be mad at each other for long.

3. For wanting to fight my battles for me.

Thanks for always listening to me rant, and helping me learn how to deal with frustrating people.

4. For teaching me manners.

All of my friends parents used to comment on my manners when I was little. Even at work the other day I was complimented for having such good manners.

5. For showing me what it means to be a good person.

You taught me what it meant to have a big heart, and you continually teach me how to deal with people that try my patience.

6. For supporting me all the way.

You supported me when I was in 4th grade and wanted a guitar, keyboard and drum set, because I was convinced my friends and I were going to start a band. You supported me when I decided I wanted to play basketball and quit dance, even though you wanted me to be a dancer. And you supported me coming to my dream school, instead of staying near home. You have no idea how much that means to me.

7. For sacrificing for me.

I know how much you have sacrificed for me and for my siblings, and I am forever grateful to have a mom that gave up so much to be with us and raise us.

8. For always being there.

Whenever I need you day or night, you are always there. Through finals freak outs and tears shed over boys, you always know how to make me feel better. Even after you had gone to bed the other night, you called me back, because you were worried. And being able to talk things through with you made all the difference.

9. For giving me confidence.

I always think it is funny when you say that you were shy when you were younger, because you and Dad have given me so much confidence. You have built me up and taught me to believe in myself. You have given me the courage to go after what I want, and to have confidence in my actions and decisions.

10. For loving me unconditionally.

Our thing has always been "I love you to the moon and back", "I love you more." I love you to the moon and back, Mom.

7 THINGS I NEVER WANT MY LITTLE SISTER TO FEEL

As a big sister to a 4-year-old, I often think about how much she hasn't experienced. There is so much she has to learn. She is so innocent, and I wish that I could preserve her innocence forever. I know that it sounds cliché, but I feel like I am missing out on so much. It was my choice to go to school away from home, and I knew that I wouldn't get to see my family as much. But no one ever told me how hard it would be to miss so much of your little sister growing up.

I think that's partially because we have such a unique relationship. Not a lot of people have a 15-year age gap with a sibling, but our age difference has brought us closer, because we have a different kind of sisterly bond. In high school, when she was old enough she would run up to me and jump into my arms to greet me when I got home from school. She cried in my arms before I went to college, saying she didn't want me to leave. My mom came into the living room asking why we were both sobbing. And at three-years-old she didn't really understand what it meant for me to go to college, and every time I talked to her on the phone she asked me when I was coming home. She still does sometimes, and it breaks my heart. I wish I could be with her all the time. 

Recently, I was thinking about all of the things I don't ever want her to feel. Here are some of the things I wish she didn't have to experience:

1. The feeling that your dreams are too big. 

Step Up

Your dreams are valid. Your dreams are beautiful. And they are all yours.

Mean Girls

2.  The feeling that you like someone more than they like you. 

New Girl

It isn't always that way. Sometimes love is uneven. There will be times when someone doesn't return the feelings you have, and there will be times when you can't return the feelings someone else has about you. But I would like to think that this happens so that you are ready for when the right person does come around, and neither of you has to question it.

3. The feeling that you are all alone.

One Tree Hill

 There are people that care. Sometimes when you are really upset, you might feel like you have no one to talk to, because no one understand what you are going through. But that's not true. And I want you to know that.

Boy Meets World

4. The feeling like you aren't enough. 

One Tree Hill

You are amazing. And don't believe them when they try to tell you otherwise.

Sara Bareilles

5. The feeling that you need to look a certain way.  

VS

You are so much more than the world will make you think. We live in a world that places way too much value on "beauty" or what they deem as "beautiful." Make your own definition, and forget about the rest of it.

6.  The feeling that people will let you down.

90210

There are people you can count on. It's easy to get caught up in all the bad in the world. There are bad people who do bad things. But there are so many wonderful people in the world, and they have so much to offer and so much love to give.

Grey's Anatomy

7. The feeling of a broken heart. 

Demi Lovato

 I love you more than you know, sis. And you can rant to me about boys any time. But not too soon.

Tina and Amy

More than anything, I want my little sister to know how much I think about her, and how much she means to me. I wish I could prevent her from feeling all of these things, but I know that this is just how life works. So instead, I plan to be there for her to remind her that everything is going to be okay.