As a big sister to a 4-year-old, I often think about how much she hasn't experienced. There is so much she has to learn. She is so innocent, and I wish that I could preserve her innocence forever. I know that it sounds cliché, but I feel like I am missing out on so much. It was my choice to go to school away from home, and I knew that I wouldn't get to see my family as much. But no one ever told me how hard it would be to miss so much of your little sister growing up.
I think that's partially because we have such a unique relationship. Not a lot of people have a 15-year age gap with a sibling, but our age difference has brought us closer, because we have a different kind of sisterly bond. In high school, when she was old enough she would run up to me and jump into my arms to greet me when I got home from school. She cried in my arms before I went to college, saying she didn't want me to leave. My mom came into the living room asking why we were both sobbing. And at three-years-old she didn't really understand what it meant for me to go to college, and every time I talked to her on the phone she asked me when I was coming home. She still does sometimes, and it breaks my heart. I wish I could be with her all the time.
Recently, I was thinking about all of the things I don't ever want her to feel. Here are some of the things I wish she didn't have to experience:
1. The feeling that your dreams are too big.
Your dreams are valid. Your dreams are beautiful. And they are all yours.
2. The feeling that you like someone more than they like you.
It isn't always that way. Sometimes love is uneven. There will be times when someone doesn't return the feelings you have, and there will be times when you can't return the feelings someone else has about you. But I would like to think that this happens so that you are ready for when the right person does come around, and neither of you has to question it.
3. The feeling that you are all alone.
There are people that care. Sometimes when you are really upset, you might feel like you have no one to talk to, because no one understand what you are going through. But that's not true. And I want you to know that.
4. The feeling like you aren't enough.
You are amazing. And don't believe them when they try to tell you otherwise.
5. The feeling that you need to look a certain way.
You are so much more than the world will make you think. We live in a world that places way too much value on "beauty" or what they deem as "beautiful." Make your own definition, and forget about the rest of it.
6. The feeling that people will let you down.
There are people you can count on. It's easy to get caught up in all the bad in the world. There are bad people who do bad things. But there are so many wonderful people in the world, and they have so much to offer and so much love to give.
7. The feeling of a broken heart.
I love you more than you know, sis. And you can rant to me about boys any time. But not too soon.
More than anything, I want my little sister to know how much I think about her, and how much she means to me. I wish I could prevent her from feeling all of these things, but I know that this is just how life works. So instead, I plan to be there for her to remind her that everything is going to be okay.
