WHY I AM CHOOSING HAPPINESS

For most of my life, I've lived according to what I think other people expect me to do. Try hard in school, work towards something greater, always on -- never stopping to think about what's best for me. Even when I'm deciding what I want most in life, part of me has always thought about it will affect everyone around me.

Recently, I had a big decision to make. And when it came down to it, everyone told me: do what your gut is telling you. Choose happiness.

Life in the Lost and Found Bin is about my discovering who I am and what I really want. And while I know myself much better than when I created this blog, I think I still have a lot to learn. I have always had dreams, but I have always questioned them.

It's not that I've questioned whether or not I really want my dreams to come true. Rather, I have been clouded in self-doubt about whether or not I had the power to really make them come true. And let's be real: most people don't make their dreams come true. For some, maybe they don't have what it takes. Maybe it is about knowing the right people and having the right opportunities. But for others, I think it's about life getting in the way. The unexpected happens and sometimes you have to reevaluate what is most important to you. And I think part of maturing is realizing that sometimes your "dreams" aren't going to be your first priority. And that's okay.

So, for now, I am choosing happiness. I only recently discovered that was an option -- one that I could choose. Maybe I'm not Lena Dunham or Donald Glover, living out my dreams at 23. But everybody's path is different.

I am willing to work hard. I am willing to give my dreams everything I've got. But I'm going to do it my way. I'm okay with it taking a little longer.

That's why I am choosing happiness.

Are you choosing happiness? 

EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT DATING AT 22

What could I know about dating, right? I'm 22. I'm the first to admit dating confuses me, as it does many. I'm pretty sure online dating wouldn't exist if everyone knew how to pair off on their own.

Can you imagine? Just being able to do this organically in an efficient matter? In this imaginary world, little girls just point to boys on the playground and they've mated for life -- like penguins.

No instead, we're left with unlabeled "things" -- in a world where no one can quite pinpoint exactly what a "thing" is but everyone knows they are definitely a thing. Didn't quite follow that last part? Exactly.

So, we patiently wait until we've gone on "enough" dates with a single human to approach the awkward, "What are we...?" conversation. And then in due time when it inevitably dissipates, we're back at square one, swiping through a seemingly endless stream of mirror selfies and poorly crafted bios.

Which brings me to everything I have learned over 22 years: dating is hard.

I could leave it at that.

But through the entire series of Sex and the City, Andrea Silenzi's Why Oh Why podcast, Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance, my own personal experience, Taylor Swift songs, and countless viewings of movies like 500 Days of Summer and When Harry Met Sally, here is what I have come up with:

1. On a first date, if they're asking a bunch of questions, it's actually a bad thing! It means that the conversation isn't naturally flowing (Why Oh Why).

2. If you're meeting through a dating app, it's actually better to meet early on, rather than chatting for a long time. That way you can see what your dynamic is like in person (Aziz).

3. There always seems to be that *one* person that creeps back into our lives (i.e. Mr. Big in SATC). But that doesn't mean that they are "the one."

4. Being truly open to something means being vulnerable -- and willing to sit out on the curb in the rain with your heart in your hand.

5. Breaks... more like BreakS. (FRIENDS -- Ross and Rachel. Enough said.)

6. Going on exciting dates can help you like a person more than a standard dinner/coffee date -- you associate the adrenaline rush with your feelings for a person. (Read Modern Romance for more on this phenomenon -- it's actually pretty interesting).

7.  Often times one person likes the other person more -- and it sucks on both sides (500 Days of Summer -- and personal experience).

8. You shouldn't stay with someone you're not crazy about just because they check some boxes or sound good on paper.

9. You also deserve better than being with someone who falls anywhere short of being absolutely crazy about you, too (Half of My Heart -- John Mayer).

9.5. But watch out for the people who are just straight up crazy.

10. Your ex is an "ex" for a reason.

11. Most people have to kiss more than their fair share of frogs (or in my case, go on a string of bad coffee dates) before meeting Prince Charming. 

12. Sometimes, we need to take breaks from the dating scene to take care of ourselves first. 

13. If you start to like hanging out with someone else more than your significant other, it's probably time to move on. 

14. No matter how well a first date goes, saying "I love you" is NEVER appropriate. (How I Met Your Mother). 

15. Facebook stalking your ex is not helping you move on (weirdly enough -- a college class called the Dynamics of Online Relationships -- and no, it was not just about online dating). 

16. Maybe there is no "one," maybe there's just "the one right now" (a monologue I did in college). 

17. Getting together with someone who still has feelings for their ex will always end badly (#tb to the time I learned this about a guy I was seeing from his Twitter. #unfollowed #classycollegeboys). 

18. Sometimes it's best to have low expectations -- but that doesn't mean lowering your standards. 

19. Having more options isn't necessarily a good thing. With the invention of online dating comes that seemingly endless stream of profiles to swipe through -- leaving people more easily unsatisfied, because they're always wondering if there is something better out there (Aziz's Modern Romance). 

20. Dating is hard -- until you find the right person who makes it easy (Why oh Why).

21. Sometimes you just have to Shake It Off and sing Our Song Fearlessly with someone in your Wildest Dreams when you're 22 because You Belong With Me... and because let's be real: sometimes Taylor Swift songs are annoyingly relatable.

22. 22 is too young to settle.

There's this country song called, Settlin', and one of the first lines is "don't even know why I try when I know how it ends... lookin' like another we could be friends." The song is all about not settling, and I can't get it out of my head lately.

At 22, I'm not ready to settle for mediocre.

As Carrie Bradshaw once said, "Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with."

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS

When we are little, we are often confronted with the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" We are encouraged to be creative. We are encouraged to be imaginative. We are encouraged to be daydreamers. 

But at some point, that all changes. Society wants you to be creative but in a scientific and analytical way. 

So, you've probably heard the saying "Don't quit your day job," right? It suggests that you should give up on your dreams, because you'll never make it anyway.

In Tori Kelly's song "Daydream" she says, "Don't quit your daydream." It is such a beautiful lyric, and I wish that more people felt this way.

Imagine. When you have dreams, you have to continually think of new ways to achieve your goals. No matter what your dreams are, it's likely that you spend time thinking about what it will be like when you achieve them. Dedicate time to actively imagining where you want to be and what you can do to get there.

[Related: How to Actively Pursue Your Passions]

Believe. You have to be your own biggest fan. Believe in yourself first, because people can tell whether or not you believe in yourself and that can make all the difference.

Determination. Sometimes your dreams will seem to big--even impossible. Don't let fear get in the way of the rest of your life. You shouldn't abandon your dreams because anyone tells you they are "unrealistic." But don't do something to prove anyone else wrong; do it to prove yourself right.

Love. At the end of the day, it comes down to finding something that you are passionate about. I have been told not to follow my passions. I have been told to do what will get me a job and what will make the most money. I have been told that I will never be financially secure in my industry. And to that I say, that scares me. It is terrifying every day questioning whether or not I will succeed. But then I go back to imaging what it would be like if it worked out. I go back to believing in myself and my abilities. I go back to being determined to making it happen, because I know it is what I want more than anything in this world. What I really want is to really mean it when I say, "I love what I do."

In school, we're told to pay attention. Stop daydreaming. Maybe there is a time and a place. But don't ever let anyone to tell you to give up on your daydream. You have the power to imagine what you want to do with your life, and you have the ability to make it happen.

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Unfortunately, sometimes a job is just a job. It is a means to an end, and you might not have any intention of staying in the field you are currently working in. Whether it is a transitional stage in your career or you are trying to make some money to get through college, you have likely had a job that didn't care much about. For some of us, the thought of going to these jobs is something we dread every day. 

My worst-nightmare would be working in the food-industry for the rest of my life. Yet, most of my jobs thus far have involved food in some way or another. I have worked as: 

• A cashier in a grocery store
• A hostess
• An ice cream scooper and "frymaster"*
• A student worker in our Union's cafe
• A student worker in a college dining hall
• A server (or waitress, whatever you would like to call it)

And the biggest thing I have taken away from these jobs is that I will never work in the food industry past college. Since the mission of this blog involves encouraging people to pursue their passions, I decided to write about when it might be time to call it quits at that job you cannot stand. Don't get me wrong, we all have to go through these jobs sometimes, because unfortunately no matter how hard we dream of it money will not magically appear in our bank accounts. But there comes a point when enough is enough, and you need to know when it's time to move on.

It might be time to quit if: 

There is excessive work drama. 

Good coworkers can turn around a bad job. You have someone to vent to and switch shifts with if you really need a day off. Likewise, bad coworkers can make a bad job even worse. It's one thing if coworkers are complaining about how long the day is or that one really sour customer. But if people are talking behind each others' backs or starting rumors at work, it's trouble. You should not have to worry about whether or not you are on so-and-so's good side so they don't trash talk you on their smoke break.

 

The managers are constantly talking down to you.

There is a difference between constructive criticism and treating you like you don't know what you are doing. Keep in mind you were hired for this position, meaning you had to go through an interview process to prove your qualifications for this job. But sometimes no matter how hard you try, there will always be managers that act like nothing is ever good enough for them.

 

The work environment is no longer welcoming.

This one can go hand in hand with the first two. It might be a combination of both, or it might be that everyone seems to be in a perpetually bad mood. Think about it this way: if the manager is always cranky, the employees are likely to let that rub off on them, too. And being surrounded by negativity is draining. It can take a toll on your mental health, and you are likely to bring some of your frustrations home with you.

 

The commute is too much. 

Sometimes the commute to a job is not really worth it. You have to factor in the value of your time, and how much it is costing you to get there. If you make a few less dollars an hour somewhere closer, it might actually not be that big of a difference if you think about how much it is costing you just get to and from a job.

 

Your managers have unrealistic expectations. 

As someone who has worked two jobs while being a full time student, I know that coordinating everything can be difficult. You have to prioritize, and you have to be clear and honest about what you can handle and when you are available. When I got the second job, I explained my situation and they said that they would be flexible, and we could make it work. A couple months into it when one of the managers asked if my other job could schedule me out two months in advance I failed to see the flexibility. Especially seeing as they let me know my schedule the Thursday before a new week started, I would say it was pretty unreasonable to expect any job would schedule that far an advance. 

You have bigger goals.

Eventually, the time comes to let go of the jobs you are sick of working. There comes a point when the money is not worth it anymore. If you have to take a pay cut to work in the field you want to go into, it might worth it. For me, the experience that I am getting at my current job is invaluable. Clearly I still need money to survive, but I am willing to make adjustments and be more careful with my money to get experience in the field I eventually want to have a career in.

It's a pretty funny world we live in. We spend so much of our lives working to live, but if we spend all of our lives working jobs that we hate, is it really all worth it? At the end of my research seminar last year we had a banquet, and one of my fellows who was graduating read this story during his speech about a fisherman who was approached by a businessman. The businessman was confused as to why the fisherman was not out working hard and making a living. By the end, the businessman justifies all the hard work he would have to do by saying that at the end of the day (by retirement) he could sit on the beach and do whatever he wanted, but the fisherman points out that he is already doing this.

Ask yourself this: is what you are doing right now helping you get to where you want to be?

*Once upon a time, I got really good at making french fries. And yes, "Frymaster" was my official title. 

HOW TO SURVIVE FINALS AS TOLD BY MINDY KALING

That time of year is here again. Summer is so close, but it might feel like a lifetime away. Here are some tips for surviving finals week:

Step 1: Make sure to stay comfortable. The weather is warming up, and everyone is excited to bring out their spring wardrobe. Just remember to keep it comfy. And maybe wear some of your favorite outfits on test days. Dress well, test well. Right?

Step 2: Indulge in a little treat as a study break. Obviously you want to stay healthy during finals week, but a trip to Greenbush might be the extra motivation you were looking for.

Step 3: Take care of yourself. Don't be the person at the library that has been in the same spot for eight hours and hasn't showered in three days. Get some sleep, take breaks, and prioritize your health.

Step 4: Cut yourself off from the people that don't have finals this week. Soon you will have your freedom, too, and you can resume those friendships.

Step 5: Get to the library early. As the week goes on, seats will open up as more and more people start to finish. But if you don't get there early enough you will wander around praying to find a table. And don't even think about finding a spot near an outlet.

Step 6: Stay focused. As your friends start finishing up, it can be tempting to get distracted while they celebrate. Study breaks are necessary to maintain your sanity, but just remember not to go overboard.

Step 7: Know when to stop studying. There is such a thing as over studying, and at some point you have to call it quits. It might be tempting to study up until the moment they ask you to put everything away, but at certain point you just know what you know.

Step 8: Have some confidence in yourself. You put the time in and studied hard, and now it is time to show those finals what you are made of.

Good luck with finals! The end is near.

HOW TO ACTIVELY PURSUE YOUR PASSIONS

The other day I heard someone talking about how they don't like calling pursuing your passions "dreaming", because dreaming is for sleeping, and you should be active in going after what you want. You have to chase after what you want and put in a lot of hard work.

I agree with that to a point. I believe that reaching your goals involves actively making decisions that will get your closer to what you are working towards. However, I think the concept of dreaming is beautiful. Everyone should have something that gets them so excited that it keeps them up at night thinking about sometimes. Everyone should have that one thing that makes them excited for the rest of their life, because they cannot wait for what the world has in store for them.

I have no idea what I will actually end up doing in the future. I don't know where I am going to live after college or what my first job will be--or what the one after that will be. Yet, I feel something burning inside of me every day that knows I should be excited for whatever my future turns out to be. I am certainly not wishing away the present, because I am thrilled to be where I am in my life right now, but I am not afraid of the future either.

 

1. Establish your goals.

Having a dream is one thing, but if you want your dream to become a reality, you need tangible goals that will help you get there.

2. Envision the steps to achieving your goals.

Take some time to think about steps that you can take right now to achieve your final goals. Are there skills that you can be refining? Are there people you can talk to that can give you advice? It is never too early to start working towards your dreams.

3. Set deadlines.

I don't know about you, but if I don't have a deadline I tend to put things off. There needs to be something to keep you in line and make sure that you are actually putting the work in. When you have deadlines, you are more likely to keep yourself on track and actually accomplish something. For instance, maybe you want to improve your Photoshop skills. Make a goal of how often you want to have projects done by or a number of tutorials you want to have completed by a certain date. 

4. Take time to refocus.

Sometimes you need to step back and look at the reasons you chose to go after whatever it is you are passionate about. Why do you have these dreams? What is pushing you further? What is it that fire burning within you that tells you this is all worth it? You need to remind yourself of why you have those dreams.

5. Don't let yourself get stuck.

This one kind of relates to number 4. If you took the time to refocus and you realized that you couldn't figure out why you had these dreams, maybe you need to reconsider what you are working towards. For years I wanted to be a doctor. I tried to teach myself medical terms in my spare time. I narrowed down my specialty by the time I was 12 and stuck with it for years. But then one day, I realized that it wasn't actually my dream. Maybe it had been at one point, or maybe it was just easy to stick with it because I had been saying it was my dream for so many years. Either way, I realized it's okay to change your mind. Don't feel anchored down by one idea. Be open to other possibilities, because there are so many things you can do with your life that you might not even know about now.

6. Accept failures, and move on.

One of the best talks that I have ever attended taught me that you should move onto the next thing before you find out how the last thing turned out. So maybe you're a writer, and you want to be published. Part of the gig is facing rejection letters sometimes. Instead of getting stuck on whether or not your work will get accepted, start working on your next project. That way you are not letting your successes or failures dictate your path. You are moving forward, regardless of how one thing turns out. There will always be other opportunities, so make sure you are open to finding them.

7. Finally, invest in yourself.

You have to your biggest fan. If you want other people to believe in you, you have to believe in yourself first. Your confidence and your passion will be your greatest assets, and they will be invaluable in achieving your goals. Treat yourself well. Don't push yourself too hard, and always remember that your dreams matter.

Dreaming might be something that we do when we're sleeping, but I think it's one of the most amazing things that our mind can do. When I am daydreaming, I don't scold myself, because I know how important it is to my creativity. My imagination is one of my greatest strengths, and I don't ever want to deny it. If you take anything away from this, please remember: never stop dreaming.

You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. -John Lennon