WHEN WILL I STOP WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO START?

Like most of what I write, this post was inspired by a conversation I had not too long ago. We were talking about the future and where we were in our career so far. And then the conversation turned to how we were always waiting for our lives to "start," as if everything we had done up to this point didn't really count.

In high school, you can't wait to get to college and for your life to really start.

Then in college, you can't wait to graduate, because you're still in school and have so many limitations, so you feel like it hasn't really started yet.

Then all the sudden you're out of school. You're in your first job, but you're clearly not where you want to be yet because no one lands their dream job right out of school. So, you're right back at the: well when this happens, then my life will really start.

When I move to my dream city.
When I meet my person.
When I lose that weight.
When I get engaged.
When I get my dream job.
When I get that promotion.
When I get married.
When I start working for myself.
When I'm the boss.
When I buy the house.
When I pay off my debt.

You think to yourself, that's when my life will start.

But here's the thing: what was everything up until then? You've been living. I've been living.

When I talk about where I see my life going and what I want to do next, a lot of people seem to have an opinion. I've gotten a lot of advice about how to navigate my life choices -- from people who have more life experience. And while I appreciate the concern, I am the only one who has to live with my choices day after day. I get to decide when my life "starts" and where it goes from there.

Waiting for your life to start is exhausting. I've spent a lot of restless nights (and by that I mean days--because I work overnight) trying to fall asleep, only to be kept awake by haunted musings of what could have been. At some point, I have to step up and change that.

In my business, I see a lot of things that really make you think more about the world. Just this weekend we reported about a 23-year-old who lost his life in a car accident. He was 23. And I couldn't help but think what if it was me? I could have a long, healthy life ahead of me. Or I could die tomorrow. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad. But it's true. So, why aren't we all living like we're dying?

I've spent my whole life looking way too far ahead into the future. And of course, I want to prepare for the future that I hope I have. I work very hard to set myself up for a good future. But I also want to find some happiness in the present. After all, it's where we spend all of our time, isn't it?

What are you waiting for?

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT CHEESE CURDS ARE HERE

There's a lot I didn't know before moving to Florida. For instance, did you know that despite being called the Sunshine State, it rains pretty much every day for about half the year? Didn't know that? Funny, neither did I before moving down here. And we're not talking about a little sprinkle in the afternoon. We're talking about trees down, aggressive lightning, and flooding on the roads so bad sometimes that you might as well just commit to life as a hermit because you don't want to be caught in the massive puddles.

Okay, so that last part was a little melodramatic. But in all seriousness, I thought I moved to Florida, not Seattle.

Moving to a new place both excited and scared me. It was something that I had wanted to do a for a long time, but I knew that it would make the transition into adulthood even more challenging. The move meant a new start--a fresh start--but it also meant starting from the beginning.

It meant making new friends, learning how to navigate a new city, and figuring out who I was when I was completely alone. With no one to fall back on, I was forced to start learning how to live on my own. That part was a little scary.

But what I never expected was how much I would miss home.

Now, over the last four years, I've had two homes: Minneapolis and Madison. It only took being away from both to realize how much love I have for them.

No one knows what cheese curds are here. I didn't even eat cheese curds that often in Wisconsin, but I never realized that they were a concept people in other parts of the country didn't understand. The other night I found myself struggling to explain a concept that I've understood since I was a little kid. It's just a curd of cheese??

The Humidity is killer. Honestly, if you've never been to Florida in August, you don't even really know what humidity is. Imagine walking into a sauna every time you set foot outside. There's no relief. Your only choice is to stay inside in the A/C. Even the ocean and pools usually don't cool you down that much because they get so hot. At least up north, even on a hot day, when the sun goes down, so does the temperature. Here, you can walk outside at 2 AM and it's almost as humid and sticky feeling as it was at 2 PM.

People drive like maniacs here. Slow down there, Vin Diesel. We're just trying to get to work, not film Fast and Furious 9.  And don't even get me started on how the older people drive here. I cannot even imagine what it is going to be like "in season" (when all the "snowbirds" come down).

I've become 77% sand. It's everywhere. My car is covered. My flip-flops have to stay outside. You can't escape it.

There's no Caribou here. And it's a serious problem -- not for my bank account. But sometimes a girl just wants a good cup of joe.

My 7-year-old sister keeps asking why I can't come home, and it's breaking my heart. When my little sister first asked why I moved to Florida, I told her it was because I got a job here. Her response? "There are jobs in Minnesota too. You could work at Target, Dairy Queen...." If only she understood why her big sister couldn't be satisfied serving Blizzards and Dilly Bars. The other day she said, "Don't you want to be with me?" That girl really knows how to tug on the heart strings.

I'm going to miss the Minnesota State Fair. And that means I can't eat my weight in Sweet Martha's cookies and Fresh French Fries, and that's a huge problem. The Great Minnesota Get Together is one of my favorite times of the year.

I miss the city. I really took for granted how much there was to do in Madison and Minneapolis. Bored in Fort Myers? Well, I guess I'll go to the beach again? Not that I'm complaining about going to the beach. I will gladly soak up some sun while everyone up North is huddle around the fire in their parkas.

 Lauren, Becky, Taylor, and Shelby ( at 17) in line for the concert of our lives outside Fine Line Cafe

But more than anything, I miss my friends and family. Yes, I have made friends here, and I'm so lucky to have them. But sometimes you just want to sing Anna Sun in your car and know that your friends are there to harmonize and reminisce about that time that you discovered one of your favorite bands. I miss watching movies with my parents, and freaking out over Big Brother with my little brother. And my mom's cooking. Boy, do I miss my mom's cooking. And Grandma's baking.

All right, before I get too sentimental, I better remind everyone why I'm here. As much as I miss Minnesota (and Wisconsin), I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. After all, this blog was founded with the goal of inspiring other people to pursue their passions. So, here I am showing you that it's possible.

Four years ago, I wrote a post right before college wondering if I could really make it happen. Could I actually make a career out of writing?

This is for 18-year-old Taylor.

EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT DATING AT 22

What could I know about dating, right? I'm 22. I'm the first to admit dating confuses me, as it does many. I'm pretty sure online dating wouldn't exist if everyone knew how to pair off on their own.

Can you imagine? Just being able to do this organically in an efficient matter? In this imaginary world, little girls just point to boys on the playground and they've mated for life -- like penguins.

No instead, we're left with unlabeled "things" -- in a world where no one can quite pinpoint exactly what a "thing" is but everyone knows they are definitely a thing. Didn't quite follow that last part? Exactly.

So, we patiently wait until we've gone on "enough" dates with a single human to approach the awkward, "What are we...?" conversation. And then in due time when it inevitably dissipates, we're back at square one, swiping through a seemingly endless stream of mirror selfies and poorly crafted bios.

Which brings me to everything I have learned over 22 years: dating is hard.

I could leave it at that.

But through the entire series of Sex and the City, Andrea Silenzi's Why Oh Why podcast, Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance, my own personal experience, Taylor Swift songs, and countless viewings of movies like 500 Days of Summer and When Harry Met Sally, here is what I have come up with:

1. On a first date, if they're asking a bunch of questions, it's actually a bad thing! It means that the conversation isn't naturally flowing (Why Oh Why).

2. If you're meeting through a dating app, it's actually better to meet early on, rather than chatting for a long time. That way you can see what your dynamic is like in person (Aziz).

3. There always seems to be that *one* person that creeps back into our lives (i.e. Mr. Big in SATC). But that doesn't mean that they are "the one."

4. Being truly open to something means being vulnerable -- and willing to sit out on the curb in the rain with your heart in your hand.

5. Breaks... more like BreakS. (FRIENDS -- Ross and Rachel. Enough said.)

6. Going on exciting dates can help you like a person more than a standard dinner/coffee date -- you associate the adrenaline rush with your feelings for a person. (Read Modern Romance for more on this phenomenon -- it's actually pretty interesting).

7.  Often times one person likes the other person more -- and it sucks on both sides (500 Days of Summer -- and personal experience).

8. You shouldn't stay with someone you're not crazy about just because they check some boxes or sound good on paper.

9. You also deserve better than being with someone who falls anywhere short of being absolutely crazy about you, too (Half of My Heart -- John Mayer).

9.5. But watch out for the people who are just straight up crazy.

10. Your ex is an "ex" for a reason.

11. Most people have to kiss more than their fair share of frogs (or in my case, go on a string of bad coffee dates) before meeting Prince Charming. 

12. Sometimes, we need to take breaks from the dating scene to take care of ourselves first. 

13. If you start to like hanging out with someone else more than your significant other, it's probably time to move on. 

14. No matter how well a first date goes, saying "I love you" is NEVER appropriate. (How I Met Your Mother). 

15. Facebook stalking your ex is not helping you move on (weirdly enough -- a college class called the Dynamics of Online Relationships -- and no, it was not just about online dating). 

16. Maybe there is no "one," maybe there's just "the one right now" (a monologue I did in college). 

17. Getting together with someone who still has feelings for their ex will always end badly (#tb to the time I learned this about a guy I was seeing from his Twitter. #unfollowed #classycollegeboys). 

18. Sometimes it's best to have low expectations -- but that doesn't mean lowering your standards. 

19. Having more options isn't necessarily a good thing. With the invention of online dating comes that seemingly endless stream of profiles to swipe through -- leaving people more easily unsatisfied, because they're always wondering if there is something better out there (Aziz's Modern Romance). 

20. Dating is hard -- until you find the right person who makes it easy (Why oh Why).

21. Sometimes you just have to Shake It Off and sing Our Song Fearlessly with someone in your Wildest Dreams when you're 22 because You Belong With Me... and because let's be real: sometimes Taylor Swift songs are annoyingly relatable.

22. 22 is too young to settle.

There's this country song called, Settlin', and one of the first lines is "don't even know why I try when I know how it ends... lookin' like another we could be friends." The song is all about not settling, and I can't get it out of my head lately.

At 22, I'm not ready to settle for mediocre.

As Carrie Bradshaw once said, "Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with."

LIFE STAGE: EMERGING ADULT

In Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance, he says that there is a fairly new stage in becoming an adult in the modern age. This is a person who is post-college but not yet settled down with a family. They are not a teenager, but they are not really a full-fledged adult either. It's this awkward transition phase. Aziz says Psychologist Jeffery Arnett calls this stage “emerging adulthood.”

EMERGING. I am emerging into being an adult. Gross. 

So, this term was coined to describe this new stage of life that young people are experiencing due to more people pursuing careers and getting married later than previous generations.

Arnett says emerging adulthood particularly applies to young adults in developed countries that don't have children, don't live in their own home, and don't have sufficient income to become fully independent in their early or late 20s. 

This person was previously viewed much more negatively. If you were post-college, single, still living at home and didn't have a stable income, you had somehow failed. Now... you're just average. 

Still, looks like us single young adults, wandering aimlessly into unknown territory, have some work to do. Much to our chagrin, we didn't come out of college with diamond rings or six-figure incomes. Lousy let downs, right? Must be because we're all self-absorbed, entitled millennials. 

In all seriousness, every generation faces the challenge of trying to get older generations to take them seriously. Generation after generation, the older people will always think "Ugh, kids these days" while shaking their heads. And young people will continue to push back against what that they believe is outdated and irrelevant. Some people like to think everyone my age is lazy, entitled and narcissistic. 

I don't buy that for a second. But that's for another day.

For now, just know that we're not all like that. We're just stuck in this weird phase of not totally knowing what we're doing. It's no wonder we turned out like this. We were fed lines like, "You can be anything you want when you grow up" our entire lives. And now that we're here, everyone's like "Oh... yeah, uh, forget that. We're were just saying that so you'd go to college. Now, be realistic, and good luck surviving in the real world with all those 'dreams.' Oh, and social security probably won't be a thing by the time you're a senior; guess you should have started saving for retirement when you were in diapers." Cool. 

As I journey into this awkward transition phase of trying to prove myself as a "real adult," you can join me each week as I attempt to describe the rollercoaster ride that is emerging adulthood. I'm starting the "Emerging Adulthood Series."

Week by week, I'll have a new tale of navigating through things like living on your own for the first time, having to sit at a desk for nine straight hours, and trying not to crawl under said desk to hide from your responsibilities. 

Up Next Week: The Sky's the Limit--and Other Lies from my Childhood. 

13 THINGS I LEARNED HALFWAY THROUGH COLLEGE

After my first semester of college I wrote a post called, "10 Things You Learn At College." It was the first time that I saw a post really take off. To this date it is still one of my top-viewed blog posts. Looking back on it makes me laugh a little bit. I still believe in everything that I said, but in a short time my life is completely different than it was then. So since I am about halfway through college now (I still don't fully believe this), I decided to check in and share what else I have learned.

1. What you learn outside of the lecture hall can be just as important. Not to sound too cliché, but you learn a lot about yourself in college. You learn from the people that you surround yourself with and the experiences you have with them, and these lessons help you grow as a person.

2. Living in an apartment is very different than living in dorms. Yes, you had your freedom in the dorms--away from your parents that is. But life after the dorms is a whole other game. Welcome to land of cooking and buying your own toilet paper.

3. It's not always about the grade. It can be difficult to accept a lower grade if you are someone who is used to getting straight A's. Sometimes the most valuable lesson is learning to not overwork yourself just to get the A.

4. Sometimes you need to dance in the rain. A while ago at work, someone said they needed to pull me out of my shell more. It's something that I have been trying to work on. In general, I would say that I am a pretty outgoing person, so I have been trying to be more social--accepting invitations to grab a meal with coworkers on break or joining the conversation when we have downtime. But I have a tendency to hold back a little. As I was walking back from the gym earlier, I realized that sometimes you just have to let go. You have to stop thinking about what other people are thinking or what they could think. This is definitely easier said than done, but you can bet that I will continue to break out of my shell and that I totally danced in the rain all by myself just because I could.

5. The calendar doesn't expand just because your schedule does. I always say I wish there was more time in the day. But I know I would only fill it with more activities. Be careful not to overload your schedule, you will soon regret it if you do.

6. Eat the ice cream. I love ice cream, and I am not ashamed of that. Sometimes I think society makes us feel like we need to be embarrassed about eating things that are bad for us or that we need to have excuses about why we didn't get to the gym that day. I work hard to be healthy--both mentally and physically. And I won't let one get in the way of the other.

7. Coffee habits are really easy to form. At the end of the school year I felt like I wouldn't survive if I didn't get my daily dose of caffeine. Good sleep is so important! I know it isn't always possible to get that ideal 8 hours, but beware that you can quickly become dependent on that cup of Joe.

8. FOMO* is so real. The first thing that comes to mind is the title of Mindy Kaling's book, Why is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Maybe that has to do with the fact that I am obsessed with The Mindy Project right now, but is also super relatable. Sometimes your friends are going to be doing something fun, and you won't be able to join them--but you will be tempted to.

9. If a guy/girl is not putting in any effort, he/she is not worth it. Your time is valuable. And if someone likes you, they should respect that. If they want to see you, they will make the time and they will put in effort to make real plans with you. I've liked plenty of guys. In fact, sometimes I think I fall in love every other day.** But that doesn't mean that I am going to settle for uncertain plans or hoping that a guy will want to "hang out" because going on a date is too much of a "commitment".

10. Your parents did a lot more than you ever noticed. After living in my own place for almost a year now, I have become so much more appreciative of everything that my parents did. They always made sure I was fed, and that I had clean clothes. But they also washed the kitchen floors and cleaned the showers. When someone isn't around to do these things for you, you quickly notice.

11. Acting your age is overrated. So you are legally an adult now, that doesn't mean you always have to act like it. There is a time and place to act grown up. But sometimes it's okay to act silly and have a little fun.

12. Forget about the little things. Don't get bogged down in the details. Being annoyed and bitter is really easy, but being happy is way more satisfying.

13. People will come and go. It has always been hard for me to grasp that some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time. There have been people that I considered really close friends that I don't even talk to anymore. It's a shame, and sometimes I miss having those friends. I think of those people as long-term guest appearances. And the people that stick around are the regular cast members. Watch out for those people: chances are they are pretty special.

What have you learned so far outside of the classroom?

Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll do another version of this post when I graduate.

*Fear of Missing Out
**This isn't real love. The only guy I have ever really loved is Joseph Gordon-Levitt. But since he's off the market now, I am trying to keep an open mind--or rather, an open heart.

FIRST DATES: EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY

First dates can go one of two ways: you either have a blast and find someone you want to date, or you sit there planning your escape route.

Your first date experience is probably going to vary depending on where you met your date and whether or not you already know them. If you just met the person you are going out with, you might be a little more nervous. In your head, you want to come off as cool and carefree. After all, first impressions are everything, right? But what really happens when you are in the moment?

If you have never met your date in person before, you have to think about your first interaction.

Expectation: You will be really smooth and make him fall in love at first sight. 

Reality: Did we just hive five?

 

Expectation: You will be flirty and make fun conversation. 

Reality: You blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

Expectation: You realize you are completely infatuated by the person, and the conversation just comes easily. 

Reality: There's a lull in the conversation, so you start talking about things on the table.

I'm just going to keep sipping on water and hope he didn't hear me. 

Expectation: He asks you to tell him more about yourself, and you want to tell him about involved you are. You are passionate, yet spontaneous, and you are always open to new experiences.

Reality: All you can think of is how you spent all of last night studying, and the highlight of your week was watching Netflix.

Expectation: Your date will charm you with his funny side.

Reality: His sense of humor is completely opposite of yours, and you have no idea how to react.

Sometimes it takes a few first dates and awkward experiences before you find someone you actually want to keep dating. There's nothing wrong with that. Think of it this way: every bad date is a great story. You can look back on the situation and laugh about it. Plus, when you find the one worth dating, you will be glad the other dates didn't work out. 

And when the first date goes well, you will know it, because reality will meet your expectations. 

COLLEGE GUYS: EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY

Most girls enter college with the assumption that they are about to meet the obviously more mature, intellectual and sensitive creature that is a college boy. His sense of humor has developed beyond that of a fourth grader's, and he wants to have deep talks about things like climate change and what feminism means to him. But then, you actually go to college.

Expectation: There will be confident, attractive boys trying to get your attention.

Reality:

Expectation: You will meet guys who are ready for a mature realtionship.

Reality:

Expectation: These guys know how to make a girl feel special.

Reality:

Expectation: They will be able to tell you how they feel about you.

 Reality:"I like you."

Or more likely,

Expectation:You will meet super attractive aspiring-musicians.

Reality:


Expectation: You will meet guys that can ask the important questions in life.

Reality: 

Expectation: The nerds will be nerdy in an incredibly adorable way.

Reality:

 Expectation: A guy won't leave you with any questions about what he thinks about you.

Reality:

Expectation: The guys will be more openly sensitive.

Reality:

Expectation: You will find a guy that will always look out for you.

Reality:

So maybe college guys aren't everything we expected. That doesn't mean that they aren't still fun to hang out with, and I am sure that somewhere the guys we were led to believe exist by TV and movies are real. They are telling girls exactly how they feel, never leaving them in the awkward limbo. And they find fart jokes repulsive.

The problem is what are you going to do when you find these guys?

COMING SOON:  "You met a cute guy. Now what?"