WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS

When we are little, we are often confronted with the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" We are encouraged to be creative. We are encouraged to be imaginative. We are encouraged to be daydreamers. 

But at some point, that all changes. Society wants you to be creative but in a scientific and analytical way. 

So, you've probably heard the saying "Don't quit your day job," right? It suggests that you should give up on your dreams, because you'll never make it anyway.

In Tori Kelly's song "Daydream" she says, "Don't quit your daydream." It is such a beautiful lyric, and I wish that more people felt this way.

Imagine. When you have dreams, you have to continually think of new ways to achieve your goals. No matter what your dreams are, it's likely that you spend time thinking about what it will be like when you achieve them. Dedicate time to actively imagining where you want to be and what you can do to get there.

[Related: How to Actively Pursue Your Passions]

Believe. You have to be your own biggest fan. Believe in yourself first, because people can tell whether or not you believe in yourself and that can make all the difference.

Determination. Sometimes your dreams will seem to big--even impossible. Don't let fear get in the way of the rest of your life. You shouldn't abandon your dreams because anyone tells you they are "unrealistic." But don't do something to prove anyone else wrong; do it to prove yourself right.

Love. At the end of the day, it comes down to finding something that you are passionate about. I have been told not to follow my passions. I have been told to do what will get me a job and what will make the most money. I have been told that I will never be financially secure in my industry. And to that I say, that scares me. It is terrifying every day questioning whether or not I will succeed. But then I go back to imaging what it would be like if it worked out. I go back to believing in myself and my abilities. I go back to being determined to making it happen, because I know it is what I want more than anything in this world. What I really want is to really mean it when I say, "I love what I do."

In school, we're told to pay attention. Stop daydreaming. Maybe there is a time and a place. But don't ever let anyone to tell you to give up on your daydream. You have the power to imagine what you want to do with your life, and you have the ability to make it happen.

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Unfortunately, sometimes a job is just a job. It is a means to an end, and you might not have any intention of staying in the field you are currently working in. Whether it is a transitional stage in your career or you are trying to make some money to get through college, you have likely had a job that didn't care much about. For some of us, the thought of going to these jobs is something we dread every day. 

My worst-nightmare would be working in the food-industry for the rest of my life. Yet, most of my jobs thus far have involved food in some way or another. I have worked as: 

• A cashier in a grocery store
• A hostess
• An ice cream scooper and "frymaster"*
• A student worker in our Union's cafe
• A student worker in a college dining hall
• A server (or waitress, whatever you would like to call it)

And the biggest thing I have taken away from these jobs is that I will never work in the food industry past college. Since the mission of this blog involves encouraging people to pursue their passions, I decided to write about when it might be time to call it quits at that job you cannot stand. Don't get me wrong, we all have to go through these jobs sometimes, because unfortunately no matter how hard we dream of it money will not magically appear in our bank accounts. But there comes a point when enough is enough, and you need to know when it's time to move on.

It might be time to quit if: 

There is excessive work drama. 

Good coworkers can turn around a bad job. You have someone to vent to and switch shifts with if you really need a day off. Likewise, bad coworkers can make a bad job even worse. It's one thing if coworkers are complaining about how long the day is or that one really sour customer. But if people are talking behind each others' backs or starting rumors at work, it's trouble. You should not have to worry about whether or not you are on so-and-so's good side so they don't trash talk you on their smoke break.

 

The managers are constantly talking down to you.

There is a difference between constructive criticism and treating you like you don't know what you are doing. Keep in mind you were hired for this position, meaning you had to go through an interview process to prove your qualifications for this job. But sometimes no matter how hard you try, there will always be managers that act like nothing is ever good enough for them.

 

The work environment is no longer welcoming.

This one can go hand in hand with the first two. It might be a combination of both, or it might be that everyone seems to be in a perpetually bad mood. Think about it this way: if the manager is always cranky, the employees are likely to let that rub off on them, too. And being surrounded by negativity is draining. It can take a toll on your mental health, and you are likely to bring some of your frustrations home with you.

 

The commute is too much. 

Sometimes the commute to a job is not really worth it. You have to factor in the value of your time, and how much it is costing you to get there. If you make a few less dollars an hour somewhere closer, it might actually not be that big of a difference if you think about how much it is costing you just get to and from a job.

 

Your managers have unrealistic expectations. 

As someone who has worked two jobs while being a full time student, I know that coordinating everything can be difficult. You have to prioritize, and you have to be clear and honest about what you can handle and when you are available. When I got the second job, I explained my situation and they said that they would be flexible, and we could make it work. A couple months into it when one of the managers asked if my other job could schedule me out two months in advance I failed to see the flexibility. Especially seeing as they let me know my schedule the Thursday before a new week started, I would say it was pretty unreasonable to expect any job would schedule that far an advance. 

You have bigger goals.

Eventually, the time comes to let go of the jobs you are sick of working. There comes a point when the money is not worth it anymore. If you have to take a pay cut to work in the field you want to go into, it might worth it. For me, the experience that I am getting at my current job is invaluable. Clearly I still need money to survive, but I am willing to make adjustments and be more careful with my money to get experience in the field I eventually want to have a career in.

It's a pretty funny world we live in. We spend so much of our lives working to live, but if we spend all of our lives working jobs that we hate, is it really all worth it? At the end of my research seminar last year we had a banquet, and one of my fellows who was graduating read this story during his speech about a fisherman who was approached by a businessman. The businessman was confused as to why the fisherman was not out working hard and making a living. By the end, the businessman justifies all the hard work he would have to do by saying that at the end of the day (by retirement) he could sit on the beach and do whatever he wanted, but the fisherman points out that he is already doing this.

Ask yourself this: is what you are doing right now helping you get to where you want to be?

*Once upon a time, I got really good at making french fries. And yes, "Frymaster" was my official title. 

WHAT I WOULD TELL MYSELF AT SIXTEEN

At 16 I was positive that I had it all figured out. I knew then that I was destined to be a healer. I wanted nothing more than to be able to see the world in terms of figures and numbers, because I had to be good at math and science if I wanted to be successful in life. Everyday I tried to suppress my desire to write and create imaginary places in my mind. I had been writing stories since I was able to write, but I had wanted to be a doctor just as long. 

If there was one thing that I was even more sure of, it was that I needed to have it all figured out then. People told me that I had time to decide, but those same people had been asking what I wanted to do since I was old enough to understand that grown-ups went to work. Looking back I realize how much pressure I put on myself. To some degree, it is normal. People often hold themselves to higher standards than necessary, and those standards can cause a lot of anxiety.

1. You don't need to know what you are going to do with the rest of your life.

Some people change their career two or three times in their lives. They go back to school or decide to start their own business, or they try something completely different. It's okay to change your mind. It took my dad telling me one day that it was okay if I decided not to be a doctor for me to realize that. I had been telling people I wanted to be a doctor for so many years; it had become a part of me. And everyone was so proud. Maybe I didn't realize they could be proud of me if I chose to do something else.

2. Stop punishing yourself when you don't get the grade. 

I spent way too many nights doing homework from time I got home from school until I went to bed. My grades were always on my mind. I wanted to go to a good college, and in order to do that I knew that I had to get good grades. But I always pushed myself harder than I needed to. Now, I would tell myself not to be so hard on myself, because in the end the grades didn't matter as much as I thought they would.

3. Don't compare yourself to your classmates.

My class was over 800 people. I'm pretty sure we had some of the best and the brightest in the state. Senior year, our "Top Ten" comprised of something like 21 students. One of my friends was retaking the SAT with me, because she had gotten a couple wrong and wanted a perfect score. She had gotten a couple wrong. Needless to say she is now at Harvard, and I am certain she will change the world. But among students this focused, it was hard not to be competitive. It was as if there was an unspoken competition about how many AP classes you were taking, how many extra curricular activities you were involved in, and how many leadership positions you held. Comparing yourself to other people isn't fair. You come from different backgrounds. You had different opportunities, and you think differently. Please know, that is okay.

4. Dress for yourself.

I would tell myself to make sure that every day I got up and got ready for me. Don't compare your sense of style or clothes to anyone else. Your curly hair doesn't have to be straightened to be pretty, and don't let anyone else make you think otherwise.

5. Write more.

The only way to improve is to keep writing. The world isn't meant to only be seen one way, and it needs more people who are willing to go after what they want. Write stories. Write poems. Write, because you can.

6. Stop stressing about college.

You will get into college. And you will love it. All of your hard work is going to pay off, and it won't all be for nothing. It won't be an easy decision, because nothing that really matters ever is. But you will end up where you are meant to be, and you will wonder why you spent all that time worrying about it.

7. Don't worry about boys--especially the older ones.

Boys are great. But in high school, there are so many other things to be concerned with. My dad once said that it was better to just have friends that were boys, because then I could have as many as I wanted and they couldn't be jealous of each other. Maybe he was only trying to make me feel better, and I didn't end up actually having that many guy friends until college, but I would say it was pretty good advice.

8. Keep an open mind. 

You don't have to be A or B. There are so many possibilities of what you can do in this world, and you don't always have to stick with your plans. I think some of the best experiences come from trying out something you wouldn't normally do or choosing a path that you never considered before.

9.  Take more risks. 

 Try out new things--even when you don't want to. Walking on the right side of the road might seem like the right thing to do, but then you will never know what you are missing on the other side.

10. I am proud of you.  

I will never be able to change the past, and I am okay with that. I am proud of the person I was in high school. Looking back, I could have cut myself some slack every once in a while, but overall I am pretty happy with the way things turned out. Most importantly, I have grown since then. I am able to look back and know now that it is okay to relax, because the world is not going to end if I don't figure it all out tomorrow. 

What would you tell your younger self? Would you have done anything differently?


Today's post was inspired by The College Prepster.

THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE SIGNING A LEASE

This time of year is full of renters pushing you to sign the lease right now. Like right now. Oh you like this place? You should probably get it now, because it might not be there tomorrow. And truth is that can happen. But you also shouldn't give them your money and sign any papers before you have thought everything through.

1. Make sure you are happy with the people you are living with. Living with your friends is a ton of fun. You can make plans to go out in your living room or you can make your living room your plans. It's great. But you have to make sure that you are living with people that you get along with really well. You also have to consider if it will affect your friendship. Did anyone warn you against rooming with your best friend freshman year? It wasn't just because they wanted you to branch out. Living with anyone in close quarters can be difficult. There are going to be little things that get to you or that you aren't used to. It is part of living with other people. Know what you can live with and what you might end up resenting your best friend for. Does a mess drive you crazy? Maybe you shouldn't room with the friend that constantly has her clothes and books scattered.

2.  Go over the costs. Are you going to be able to pay the rent every month? What is included? Here are some things to ask the landlords/renters:

• Are utilities included?
• What do we have to pay separately for? 
• How much is the security deposit? Is it more or less than an actual months rent?

3. How many people do you want to live with?

• How many people are allowed to sign the lease? There are certain codes and regulations that only allow a certain number of people to live in an apartment/house. It often varies depending on how many bedrooms there are. 
• What if we need subleasers? 
• Are you okay with sharing a room? 
• Know how to say no if you don't agree with everyone on something. And be honest about who you want to live with. Sometimes it's tricky, but you have to be honest. 

4. Location. This can be a huge reason not to live somewhere. How close are you to your classes/job? Are you near other friends? If you are more than a five-minute walk away from your friends, you are most likely not going to see them very often. It's not like in the dorms where you can walk 10 feet to hang out with a bunch of friends. You have to put an effort into going to see your friends, and especially in the colder months you will want to stay in close proximity to home.  Also, consider what the neighborhood is like. If you are going to be a junior, do you really want to re-sign in the "sophomore slums?"

5.  What other details should I ask the landlord/renters?

• Do I need renters insurance?
• When can we move in? Is there a certain move-in time? Some places need time to evaluate the apartment/house before new people move in to check for any damages. They also might offer cleaning services and need to know what kind of mess the previous people left behind.
• Who can we contact with any further questions?

6. Are you planning on studying abroad next year? This can be a super important factor, because if you sign a lease for an apartment/house, you are usually committing to the place for the year. That means that you either need to find some one who is willing to sublease or pay for the living space even when you aren't living there. It is expensive and frustrating to pay for housing when you are going to be paying so much for study abroad to begin with that semester. So subleasing is probably your best option. Unless you want to live in the dorms the other semester. You then have to find someone who will get along with your other roommates and make sure it is okay with them. Some people don't want to live with strangers, so you have to be respectful and make sure the people you want to live with are fully aware of your intentions before you sign. Get to know these people before they take over your spot. What do you really know about them?

7. Would you be okay living co-ed? Living co-ed could open up some more options. For example, if you are looking to sublease you might be able to find someone more easily if you can sublease to either a guy or girl. Or if you are looking to live with more people, you have more options to choose from. However, living co-ed isn't for everyone. Do what makes you most comfortable. After all, this is where you are going to be calling home for a while.

All of that being said, try not to stress too much. Getting your own house/apartment is really exciting. You are getting more freedom than in the dorms, and you don't have to wear flip flops in the shower. Just make sure that by the end of this process you are happy with your choices, and that you are excited to move into the next stage of your life.

This post first appeared on Her Campus. 

EVERYTHING CHANGES

As the seasons turn, we are reminded of the ever-evolving nature of life. Nothing stays the same--at least not for very long. It always blows me away how you can think you have everything figured out, and in an instant you can feel like you are living in a different lifetime. Lately, I have taken a lot of time to reflect on the changes in the last few months. I revisited my goals and reevaluated what was important to me. 

I tried planning. Last week I went to visit an academic adviser. When I first made the appointment I intended to talk about my plans to double major and how these plans conflicted with my desire to study abroad in college. I spent a couple hours the night before the appointment sifting through the course guide, and trying to envision what my next couple years in college would look like. Eventually I became overwhelmed. I started to realize that maybe, just maybe, I was getting a little ahead of myself. I could no longer justify my reasoning behind wanting to double major. A few months ago I decided to study TV and film, and Strategic Communications (PR, advertising, etc.). In my heart all I want is to work in TV or film production, but my head was telling me that I needed something more. I needed this super, dual degree that would allow me more flexibility (you know, in case the whole making movies thing doesn't work out). As I sat at my desk, drowning in my fears, I decided I need to talk it over with someone. I called my mom, and she reminded me of what she has told me from the beginning: she doesn't think I should double major.

So I walked into this advising appointment last Thursday, wondering what I was really there for. I already knew the answers to my questions in my heart. But verbalizing them made it real. I talked about my fears and my dreams, and what I was already doing to achieve my goals. The adviser smiled at me, and she told me that as I was talking about working in film and TV, that I was beaming, and she could tell how much it excited me. She said that college students can have this idea of needing 4 or 5 majors to be able to really market themselves, but that it wasn't what was important. When an employer looks at your resume, she said, they will be looking to see what type of degree you got, but then they will look at all of the experiences you have had and what kind of person those experiences made you.

Experiences. These are the things that shape us, and the things that push life forward. And then, I realized everything changes. It's how we react to those changes that make us who we are.

I realized that it is okay that I changed my mind. It is okay that I don't want the same things that I wanted a few months ago, or even a few days ago. At the beginning of the year, I wrote a post called, "How to Deal with Change in the New Semester." To me, it was about taking the time to recognize that life is always changing, and that while some things may hold constant, it's important to embrace the things that don't. I wanted to start the semester off with clear goals in mind, and do everything that I could to reach those goals. Little did I know, that part of this process is taking the time to reflect and make sure they are still things you that really want.

Sometimes you will encounter road blocks. Life doesn't always change for the best, and you don't always get a choice. Sometimes the changes are messy, and they can hurt. A diagnosis. An end in a relationship. A loss of a loved one. But through the pain, through the heartbreak, and through the confusion, we learn--we learn that life requires time, patience, and faith. There are different kinds of change. Some changes happen instantly, and others require patience, because you might not be able to see the ending. That's where faith comes in. At times, you might feel hopeless, because all of pressures and stresses of life can pile up and try to break you down. Your faith will be tested--time and time again. 

One of the most remarkable lessons that I have ever learned is that hardships can make you stronger. I believe that I would not be the same person I am today if I didn't encounter certain things earlier in life. Watching how other people react to the stressors in their lives, I am proud of how I have dealt with my own. I am proud of the choices I have made, and I have no regrets. I have hopes for the future, and while I fear the uncertainty, I have faith. 

Life is about learning what decisions you get to make. My mom's favorite quote is "We make plans, and God laughs." I expect everything to change. I expect to have new goals and new visions as I change from my experiences. I expect to feel more pain, and for life to bring more hardships. But more than anything, I expect to grow and learn from my experiences, and I trust whatever plans He has for me. I am in charge of how I feel and what I do, and I choose how to react. And as of last Thursday, I am Communication Arts major, who intends to follow her dreams no matter what they end up being.

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I Won't Worry My Life Away

Last week a med student, a grad student, and someone with a dual Ph D. came into my seminar to talk with us. I don’t think I have ever felt so good about not knowing exactly what I want to do with my future. Part of me has come to accept that I don’t know what I am going to do after college, but the other part of me is still somewhat uneasy with the uncertainty of it all. But if there is one thing that I know for sure in it is that I will have a job and I will be ok. I am not worried about that.

Lately, I have talked to a few people that frustrated me with their judgmental attitudes about my aspirations. In high school, I wrote a paper about my decision to not be a doctor and pursue writing, and I spent time explaining the stigma that comes along with writing. But as I come closer and closer to actually going through with it, I am experiencing it more. I am so sick and tired of feeling embarrassed or bad that I want to do something with writing or film. While some of my friends are stressing out over their chemistry and calculus classes, I sometimes have people act like what I am doing is not challenging. None of my friends have ever said anything demeaning to me, but I have talked to people who have told me that humanities majors are a joke and that you are only smart if you are doing something hard like engineering. There is this great appreciation for engineering and premed students, because they are “guaranteed” a job after college. It’s as if by majoring in anything other than business or science I will be out on the streets begging for money in four years.

People have actually asked me if I don’t like science just because I am not majoring in something in the sciences. Just because I am not choosing to focus on a subject, doesn’t mean that I don’t like it or that I am bad at. It means that my interests lie somewhere else and that I value different things. The truth is that I could go on to make a lot more money than some of these people if I became successful enough. There are plenty of people who aren’t engineers or doctors that are making bank. Ever heard of Martin Scorsese? Or Peter Docter—who studied animation and then went on to make some of the greatest kids (Pixar movies such as Toy Story and Monsters Inc.) movies of our time? How about Amy Adams? I don’t think that Academy award winning actress is doing too bad for herself, and she didn’t even go to college. But my point is that even if I don’t have a huge income, I’m ok with that. I obviously would like to make enough to pay off my college debt and survive in this world, but I don’t need to throw lavish house parties or own a house that I could get lost in.

My college degree is going to matter, because it will be more than a piece of paper saying that I took some classes in some field. I will have experiences and skills that put me ahead of other candidates, because I will put the work in. Sometimes I start questioning myself when I am around people talking about studying for the MCAT or complaining about their math class. But then I realize something: I am doing what I want to do—because I can. I am not taking the easy way out. In some ways it is even harder because it isn’t guaranteed. But guess what? Nothing in life is ever guaranteed. It’s like getting married, at your wedding you are sure that this want you want for the rest of your life. But the divorce rate in this country proves that people don’t always know what they want for the rest of their lives when they are so young. You cannot guarantee that you will be happy in ten years with massive debt from med school and the realization that you just spend the last ten+ years driving yourself to the point of insanity studying. I truly hope you are happy. I do. But know this: whatever I do, I will be happy, too. For richer or poorer.

Say What?

All year people have been asking the dreaded questions, “Where are you going to school?” and “What are you going to major in?” Thankfully, as you could tell from previous posts, I have that all figured out. In fact, today was National College Declaration today. I am officially going to be a Badger. However, this other question is a little trickier. It’s basically asking if I have extrasensory perception. I can’t tell what the future holds. Everyone has already told me that I’ll probably change my major a few times. So I don’t know if I have that answer right now.

What I do know is what I like, and what I think I should do. Unfortunately, they are two different things. Breaking news: I like to write. I know, I know—it was shocking for all of you. It surprised me, too. In other news, it’s back to the old “Head vs. Heart” argument that I struggled with in deciding between my colleges. Ultimately, I went with my heart. But April changed a few things for me.

 As my classmates began getting back their letters from some of the “harder to get into” schools, I started questioning my decisions. I wondered if I made the wrong decision as I saw people declare their commitment to colleges in places like New York and LA. When I saw someone confirm to Tisch the School of Performing Arts in NYU, my heart sunk a little bit. While my experience in New York wasn’t what I had been dreaming of, I wondered what my career in the film industry could have been like. As I sift through majors and possible future careers, I have trouble finding something that doesn’t sound mundane or simply completely uninteresting to me. 

The truth is I don’t know what I will major in as of now. I can scroll through major requirements and career opportunities all night, but I don’t know what I will be like four years from now. So how could I possibly know what I’ll be like ten years from now or twenty? How could I know what I want to spend—what could potentially be—the rest of my life doing? 

So my heart is with the writing—I JUST WANT TO MAJOR IN ENGLISH AND CALL IT A DAY. 

However, my head is saying YOU WON’T MAKE ANY MONEY—GOOD LUCK FINDING A JOB.

. 

And yes, it’s in all caps—all the time—in my head. It’s not yelling; it’s just my thoughts going in a million different directions all the time. So this year I tried to pair it with psychology, hoping that would improve my options. But I’ve heard so much about psychology that makes me wonder whether or not I would find a job there either. On the other hand, I have even read articles from professors saying to stop thinking about all that stuff and “pursue your passion.”

While I would love nothing more than to pursue my passion, if  I’m living out of a box or pursuing a life similar to Lars Eighner (AP Comp reference—in case, you were wondering), will the writing be worth it? I’m not so sure dumpster diving is my thing, despite the previous post on dumpster diving in Madison. 

You heard it here first, folks: I’m having issues finding myself, again. It’s just another day out of the Lost and Found Bin. 

It’s Better If I Don’t Understand

"The Other Side" by Bruno Mars feat. Cee Lo Green and B.O.B.

Bruno Mars is fantastic. I love his music and this song is no exception. But there is one line in this song I can’t get out of my head, “It’s better if you don’t understand.” It’s not that this line is particularly catchy, or even that I like the sound of it. I think this line sticks with me because I relate it to my own life. This line makes me think of one of my friends my math buddy? I’m not really sure what to call him. See the thing is: we are polar opposites. I’m not really sure how we became whatever it is we are because of the fact that we are such different people. Basically it seems like pure coincidence because he was stuck in front of me on the first seating chart. But have you been read my blog title? I don’t believe in coincidence. At the same time, I don’t know if you could really call this accident fortunate.

While he’s a nice guy and all, sometimes I wonder why I met him. I know what you’re thinking, “Um, Tay… yeah it’s just math class. I wouldn’t exactly read into it.” But I think the people that have a significant impact on you come into your life for a reason. By significant impact I mean: friends, inspiring teachers, classmates that teach you something about life, or anybody else that has somewhat of a long-term effect on you. When you’re math buddy makes you think about more than how to solve rational functions, you start to wonder why you met this person. Well, at least I do this.

Bruno Mars starts out this song with “Truth of the matter is I’m complicated, you’re as straight as they come.” The way I relate this song to my situation is with my math buddy as the complicated one. By this, I mean he doesn’t make the same kind of choices as I do. I feel like I’m heading down a pretty straight path, and I have no idea what direction he’s going in. And it drives me crazy. He’s made me think about life and values. For the first time in my life, I’ve begun to realize how complicated people really can be. When he first told me what kind of choices he makes, I looked down on him. I thought he was stupid and foolish. But as the semester goes on, I’ve realized people aren’t just one way or another. The choices he makes don’t completely define him as a person the way I thought they did.

What drives me crazy is seeing a perfectly capable, smart person making stupid decisions. But what’s worse is as time goes on I get to know him better. Knowing someone’s being an idiot is a lot easier when you don’t anything about them. After spending my Saturday night at my friend Ashna’s watching House, I decided he reminds me of Gregory House. He may not be a vicodin popping, witty doctor, but he drives me crazy in just the same way as House drives Cuddy crazy. Dr. Cuddy is his boss and she is as Bruno Mars would say, “As straight as they come.” But House is always pushing her buttons. Here I was watching House, texting my comp buddy actual guy friend that I knew was off making good decisions, and laughing with Ashna until we almost cried. And I realized maybe it really is better that I don’t understand. While my math buddy is off doing who knows what, I was spending quality time with House and my actual friends. I like it better on this side.