Last week a med student, a grad student, and someone with a
dual Ph D. came into my seminar to talk with us. I don’t think I have ever felt
so good about not knowing exactly what I want to do with my future. Part of me
has come to accept that I don’t know what I am going to do after college, but
the other part of me is still somewhat uneasy with the uncertainty of it all.
But if there is one thing that I know for sure in it is that I will have a job
and I will be ok. I am not worried about that.
Lately, I have talked to a few people that frustrated me
with their judgmental attitudes about my aspirations. In high school, I wrote a
paper about my decision to not be a doctor and pursue writing, and I spent time
explaining the stigma that comes along with writing. But as I come closer and
closer to actually going through with it, I am experiencing it more. I am so
sick and tired of feeling embarrassed or bad that I want to do something with
writing or film. While some of my friends are stressing out over their
chemistry and calculus classes, I sometimes have people act like what I am
doing is not challenging. None of my friends have ever said anything demeaning
to me, but I have talked to people who have told me that humanities majors are
a joke and that you are only smart if you are doing something hard like
engineering. There is this great appreciation for engineering and premed
students, because they are “guaranteed” a job after college. It’s as if by
majoring in anything other than business or science I will be out on the
streets begging for money in four years.
People have actually asked me if I don’t like science just
because I am not majoring in something in the sciences. Just because I am not
choosing to focus on a subject, doesn’t mean that I don’t like it or that I am
bad at. It means that my interests lie somewhere else and that I value
different things. The truth is that I could go on to make a lot more money than
some of these people if I became successful enough. There are plenty of people
who aren’t engineers or doctors that are making bank. Ever heard of Martin Scorsese?
Or Peter Docter—who studied animation and then went on to make some of the
greatest kids (Pixar movies such as Toy
Story and Monsters Inc.) movies
of our time? How about Amy Adams? I don’t think that Academy award winning
actress is doing too bad for herself, and she didn’t even go to college. But my
point is that even if I don’t have a huge income, I’m ok with that. I obviously
would like to make enough to pay off my college debt and survive in this world,
but I don’t need to throw lavish house parties or own a house that I could get
lost in.
My college degree is going to matter, because it will be
more than a piece of paper saying that I took some classes in some field. I
will have experiences and skills that put me ahead of other candidates, because
I will put the work in. Sometimes I start questioning myself when I am around
people talking about studying for the MCAT or complaining about their math
class. But then I realize something: I am doing what I want to do—because I
can. I am not taking the easy way out. In some ways it is even harder because
it isn’t guaranteed. But guess what? Nothing in life is ever guaranteed. It’s
like getting married, at your wedding you are sure that this want you want for
the rest of your life. But the divorce rate in this country proves that people
don’t always know what they want for the rest of their lives when they are so
young. You cannot guarantee that you will be happy in ten years with massive
debt from med school and the realization that you just spend the last ten+
years driving yourself to the point of insanity studying. I truly hope you are
happy. I do. But know this: whatever I do, I will be happy, too. For richer or
poorer.
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