Recently, a concerned member of the community posted an open
letter to Wayzata Public Schools and the surrounding community. While I
understand what a terrible tragedy the community is faced with, I respectfully
disagree with the stand she took against the District as a whole. With what she
calls “more than average experience with suicide” it struck
me as strange to blame the loss of these lives on the school district.
I do not think that it is fair to say that these deaths were
caused by the atmosphere, competiveness or academic rigor of Wayzata High
School. The truth is when people choose to take their own lives the aftermath
is messy. It leaves many people confused, angry, and hurt. But even more, it
leaves people wanting answers. They want to know why it happened and who is to
blame.
“The
tragedy is, people die from temporary feelings of helplessness—things we can
help with.”*
I agree that these young people needed
help that they didn’t get. But the truth is sometimes the signs are nearly
possible to see. Sometimes there is a cry for help, and other times they avoid
showing signs because they don’t want anyone to get in their way of what they
have already decided. I do not offer a solution. That is not the purpose of
this reply. I wish that everyone who was contemplating suicide knew of all the
available resources and options and did not think of death as a permanent
solution to temporary pain.
But can we blame solely the
academically rigorous atmosphere for these deaths? Should we ignore all other
factors that could have gone into the ultimate decisions of these teenagers?
“I
wanted to let people know that it’s ok to have suicidal thoughts and feelings,
and that in fact it is a very human experience. I also hoped to show people
that through talking about it, and by having someone else listen, it is
possible to overcome the darkness that overwhelms a person when they feel
helpless. This is something that I learned from my exchange with Neil on the
bridge six years ago, and a message that I’ve been trying to pass on to
others.”
I will not say whether it was right or
wrong for the teachers to not talk about the suicides in their classrooms. That
is for you to decide. But if another student in the classroom was contemplating
suicide and saw all the attention and sadness this person was receiving after
death, in their mind, this might validate their feelings toward suicide. It’s
sad, but to someone one in the mindset, it might be seen as a way to get people
to see their pain.
“The
feelings that drive people toward suicide can be treated... But, despite the
numbers and the losses, suicide is a phenomenon we push away, we mystify,
even—it must be said—romanticize, as if science cannot begin to confront its
cause.”
These teachers, like many of us, are not
experts in suicide, death, or grieving. They have been trained for many things,
but they are not prepared to discuss death nor to lead people through the
toughest of times. In a perfect world, there would be no suicide, everyone
would know how to deal with sadness and death, and all schools would be able to
combat issues of mental health problems before they arose in such tragic ways.
But in reality, we need is to recognize that there is no one “thing” that we
can blame for tragedies. There are many factors that shape everyone’s decisions.
I do not want to see another life end in suicide, either. My heart goes out to
all the families that have lost their loved ones in such a devastating way.
But while we are looking for someone to
blame, please recognize that school is not the enemy. The teachers are not
cruel human beings. The administration does not want to merely shrug this one
off or put them under such stressful conditions that it leads to death. They
are not killing these children. I
know these deaths are confusing, but I think as a community, we should be focused
on helping the families that lost loved ones, and doing our very best to make
sure that if signs of suicide are shown they are taken very seriously.
Respectfully,
Another Member of the community
If you or someone you know is
considering suicide I encourage you to seek help because, and I cannot stress
this enough, pain is temporary and death is permanent:
Styron wrote, “Depression’s saving
grace (perhaps its only one) is that the illness seems to be self-limiting:
Time is the real healer.” If you need someone to talk to, please call the
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1-800-273-8255, which will connect you
to a counsellor at a nearby crisis center.
*All italicized quotes were pulled from
the article, “The
Neglected Suicide Epidemic” by Emily Greenhouse. Read more here.
