Begin Again

I had a few different titles in mind for this post. At first, I thought about titling Mylo Xyloto, in honor of how amazing Coldplay is. I also considered Up in Flames—a title of one of the songs towards the end of the album. The lyrics are so simple—in fact, the majority of the song consists of the repetition of the title. Yet, the rhythm conveys a peacefulness that makes it seem so meaningful. However, as soon as I opened the document and my fingertips met the keyboard, I knew exactly what I was writing about: a blank page.

Recently, I have made a few self-discoveries, and since this is what the majority of this blog has been about, I felt like I should share. Over break I had quite a bit of time to think, because for once I wasn’t simply going through the motions. I reflected on the past semester: the bonds that I formed, the knowledge I acquired, and the experiences I had. In the past semester I found a place that I belonged, unlike any other group I had ever been a part of before. I devoured over well over a thousand pages of text, taking in every piece of information that my mind could handle. My days and nights were filled with college football games, trips to places I had never seen, and impromptu chats about life that carried on into the middle of the night.

Basically, I learned a lot and had a great time doing it, but it wasn’t until after it was all over that I realized how much my life has changed. On one hand, I could see the major differences: I am in a new state, away from my family, going to classes on a somewhat irregular basis (compared to high school), and I am crammed into a small space with another person (thankfully that person is awesome). On the other hand, my view on life was suddenly changing, my music taste was evolving, and my mind was constantly full and buzzing. I had so many things to think about that sometimes I couldn’t think straight. There was one day that I was so stressed out that I couldn’t think about one thing for more than a few seconds. It felt like rapidly flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch. Only, I couldn’t stop. It was a cognitive overload that I didn’t know how to control. When that happens, I usually turn to music—it calms me down and the lyrics (or even rhythms) are often relatable enough for me to figure out exactly what I am thinking and feeling. This is probably why so many of my posts relate to music.

During break, with a clear mind, I thought about what I wanted to do most with my life. Before break one of the guys on my floor asked what mark I wanted to leave on the world. It took me a while to think about it, but finally I produced an answer about sharing a story with the world that someone somewhere will benefit from and relate to. After thinking about it more, I realized that I really just want to leave a little more positivity to the world. It’s so easy to get trapped in the mundane schedules that we continuously confine ourselves to. So with this new semester, I have decided to focus on maximizing the amount of time that I do what I love—and I don’t just mean for this semester, I mean for life. Every day really is the first day of the rest of your life, and I am excited to keep writing this journey. I know, I know, I always say how much I hate cheesiness and that I will stop being cliché like that, but I don’t know that I have ever believed anything more. I am focusing on happiness. I am focusing on creating my own destiny. I am focusing on me.

I don’t mean that selfishly. I mean that sometimes it is important to step back from everything that you think is what you want and reevaluate whether or not it is what you really want. I have to admit this post was trying to say a lot more than I ended up putting into words, but I guess what I really wanted to say is something that I haven’t articulated to myself and might not ever fully articulate to anyone else. That is so vague—I know, but all you need to know is that I have grown, I have made decisions, and I have gotten over it. After the flames, I am ready to begin again.