Writers Just Get Each Other

I love this. 

I Won't Worry My Life Away

Last week a med student, a grad student, and someone with a dual Ph D. came into my seminar to talk with us. I don’t think I have ever felt so good about not knowing exactly what I want to do with my future. Part of me has come to accept that I don’t know what I am going to do after college, but the other part of me is still somewhat uneasy with the uncertainty of it all. But if there is one thing that I know for sure in it is that I will have a job and I will be ok. I am not worried about that.

Lately, I have talked to a few people that frustrated me with their judgmental attitudes about my aspirations. In high school, I wrote a paper about my decision to not be a doctor and pursue writing, and I spent time explaining the stigma that comes along with writing. But as I come closer and closer to actually going through with it, I am experiencing it more. I am so sick and tired of feeling embarrassed or bad that I want to do something with writing or film. While some of my friends are stressing out over their chemistry and calculus classes, I sometimes have people act like what I am doing is not challenging. None of my friends have ever said anything demeaning to me, but I have talked to people who have told me that humanities majors are a joke and that you are only smart if you are doing something hard like engineering. There is this great appreciation for engineering and premed students, because they are “guaranteed” a job after college. It’s as if by majoring in anything other than business or science I will be out on the streets begging for money in four years.

People have actually asked me if I don’t like science just because I am not majoring in something in the sciences. Just because I am not choosing to focus on a subject, doesn’t mean that I don’t like it or that I am bad at. It means that my interests lie somewhere else and that I value different things. The truth is that I could go on to make a lot more money than some of these people if I became successful enough. There are plenty of people who aren’t engineers or doctors that are making bank. Ever heard of Martin Scorsese? Or Peter Docter—who studied animation and then went on to make some of the greatest kids (Pixar movies such as Toy Story and Monsters Inc.) movies of our time? How about Amy Adams? I don’t think that Academy award winning actress is doing too bad for herself, and she didn’t even go to college. But my point is that even if I don’t have a huge income, I’m ok with that. I obviously would like to make enough to pay off my college debt and survive in this world, but I don’t need to throw lavish house parties or own a house that I could get lost in.

My college degree is going to matter, because it will be more than a piece of paper saying that I took some classes in some field. I will have experiences and skills that put me ahead of other candidates, because I will put the work in. Sometimes I start questioning myself when I am around people talking about studying for the MCAT or complaining about their math class. But then I realize something: I am doing what I want to do—because I can. I am not taking the easy way out. In some ways it is even harder because it isn’t guaranteed. But guess what? Nothing in life is ever guaranteed. It’s like getting married, at your wedding you are sure that this want you want for the rest of your life. But the divorce rate in this country proves that people don’t always know what they want for the rest of their lives when they are so young. You cannot guarantee that you will be happy in ten years with massive debt from med school and the realization that you just spend the last ten+ years driving yourself to the point of insanity studying. I truly hope you are happy. I do. But know this: whatever I do, I will be happy, too. For richer or poorer.

The Best People You'll Ever Meet

In your lifetime, you will inevitably encounter more faces than you will be able to remember. You will have brief—yet maybe meaningful—conversations with strangers that you might never see again. The interesting part is recognizing that the people that you see on a daily basis will someday become strangers, too.  That isn’t true of everyone. But think back to every major transition that you’ve had in your life, and try to recall all of the people in your life that stayed constant. In the grand scheme of things, more people left than those who stayed.

A few months ago, I attended a talk about happiness. In the talk, she told us to remember that we are in charge of our own happiness. She said that at the end of the day we are the only ones who care about us as much as we do. And in a way, that is true. I will agree that you are 100% in charge of how you choose to live your life and how you interpret the world around you. You can choose happiness. The events in your life will not always be happy, but I believe happiness that happiness is a state of mind. But the power of the people in our lives is underrated in that assertion.  In Abnormal Psychology the importance of social support is stressed for proper mental health. People with high social support are at a lower risk for disorders like PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) and Panic Disorder—and many more.  Overall, people who are surrounded by others who care tend to be happier people.

In the past few weeks, it has become more apparent to me how important it is to have strong connections with the people around you. When everything else seems to be too much, you just have to open your eyes and see that you are loved. And cared about. And that you matter.  No matter what happens in the future, at this time in the history of the world, you are making a difference in each other’s lives. You are teaching them, and they are teaching you. You are supporting them, and they are supporting you. You are learning about them, and they are learning about you. If you’re ever feeling insignificant or lost, it might not be about changing yourself, but rather, changing who you spend time with. You only have so much time on this planet—so spend it with the people that you care about the most. If someone isn’t worth your time, don’t waste another second with him or her. It just isn’t worth it. Don’t lose another moment worrying about the things you can’t change—it’s easier said than done (and it’s something that I work on daily), but try to always have that in the back of your mind. It’s far more important to spend your time contemplating the meaning of life over a cup of tea with friends, or debating the details of old memories with family.

People will always come and go, but that doesn’t mean that those who go didn’t have a significant effect on your life. Sometimes those who are only there for a brief time are the ones that can have a huge impact on you. Maybe something that they did or said strongly resonated with you. Or maybe they inspired you to push yourself farther and believe that your dreams and aspirations are valid—and that they matter. As I compose this post, it is not without thought of the many people that have made an impact on my life. Many people have inspired me, from the teacher who questioned “why not” when I spoke of my dreams like they were too far out of reach to the guy that told me he wasn’t afraid to follow his own dream.

I encourage you to take some time, and really appreciate the people around you, because they won’t always be there. Life moves on—sometimes before you’re ready—and the only thing you can do is make the most out of the present moment. Embrace the malleability of life, and try to make every interaction that you have with other people a positive one. I truly think that the people in my life are some of the best people that I have ever met.  And I think the best thing you can do in life is search for the ones that make you feel that way.

Begin Again

I had a few different titles in mind for this post. At first, I thought about titling Mylo Xyloto, in honor of how amazing Coldplay is. I also considered Up in Flames—a title of one of the songs towards the end of the album. The lyrics are so simple—in fact, the majority of the song consists of the repetition of the title. Yet, the rhythm conveys a peacefulness that makes it seem so meaningful. However, as soon as I opened the document and my fingertips met the keyboard, I knew exactly what I was writing about: a blank page.

Recently, I have made a few self-discoveries, and since this is what the majority of this blog has been about, I felt like I should share. Over break I had quite a bit of time to think, because for once I wasn’t simply going through the motions. I reflected on the past semester: the bonds that I formed, the knowledge I acquired, and the experiences I had. In the past semester I found a place that I belonged, unlike any other group I had ever been a part of before. I devoured over well over a thousand pages of text, taking in every piece of information that my mind could handle. My days and nights were filled with college football games, trips to places I had never seen, and impromptu chats about life that carried on into the middle of the night.

Basically, I learned a lot and had a great time doing it, but it wasn’t until after it was all over that I realized how much my life has changed. On one hand, I could see the major differences: I am in a new state, away from my family, going to classes on a somewhat irregular basis (compared to high school), and I am crammed into a small space with another person (thankfully that person is awesome). On the other hand, my view on life was suddenly changing, my music taste was evolving, and my mind was constantly full and buzzing. I had so many things to think about that sometimes I couldn’t think straight. There was one day that I was so stressed out that I couldn’t think about one thing for more than a few seconds. It felt like rapidly flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch. Only, I couldn’t stop. It was a cognitive overload that I didn’t know how to control. When that happens, I usually turn to music—it calms me down and the lyrics (or even rhythms) are often relatable enough for me to figure out exactly what I am thinking and feeling. This is probably why so many of my posts relate to music.

During break, with a clear mind, I thought about what I wanted to do most with my life. Before break one of the guys on my floor asked what mark I wanted to leave on the world. It took me a while to think about it, but finally I produced an answer about sharing a story with the world that someone somewhere will benefit from and relate to. After thinking about it more, I realized that I really just want to leave a little more positivity to the world. It’s so easy to get trapped in the mundane schedules that we continuously confine ourselves to. So with this new semester, I have decided to focus on maximizing the amount of time that I do what I love—and I don’t just mean for this semester, I mean for life. Every day really is the first day of the rest of your life, and I am excited to keep writing this journey. I know, I know, I always say how much I hate cheesiness and that I will stop being cliché like that, but I don’t know that I have ever believed anything more. I am focusing on happiness. I am focusing on creating my own destiny. I am focusing on me.

I don’t mean that selfishly. I mean that sometimes it is important to step back from everything that you think is what you want and reevaluate whether or not it is what you really want. I have to admit this post was trying to say a lot more than I ended up putting into words, but I guess what I really wanted to say is something that I haven’t articulated to myself and might not ever fully articulate to anyone else. That is so vague—I know, but all you need to know is that I have grown, I have made decisions, and I have gotten over it. After the flames, I am ready to begin again.

And A Happy New Year

  Dear readers,

Recently, I took a peak at some of my old blog posts. It was interesting to go back. In a way it is like a public personal account of the last couple years. I learned a few things from it:

1.     My taste in music has not changed much

2.     My writing and views have evolved over the course of the blog

3.     I am undoubtedly a writer and always have been

It seems that I really have been battling with this for a while. My name is Taylor, and I am a writer. It’s real now, because I wrote it. The truth is I really can’t remember a time when I didn’t like writing. It has always been a part of me. I still engaged in normal childish activities, but even when I was in elementary school I wrote. I wrote stories. I wrote the scripts to talk shows. I wrote about talking dogs and holographic people who lived in the Internet (this was back in 2002—think about what the Internet looked like then to a 7-year-old).

But the best thing I found looking back at my posts was how much I mentioned good times with friends and family or how lucky I was to have them. I will admit I got pretty sentimental. My friends and family have supported and encouraged my writing. They have given me inspiration and the confidence to continue. Thank you to anyone who has influenced my writing, to anyone who has read my blog/writing, and to anyone who has let me know that what I wrote had an effect on them.

It means more to me than you could ever know. I am thankful for my family, for the friends who I have had from high school or before, and for the new friends that I have already grown so close to. You guys mean the world to me. And even if I don’t personally know you or know you well, it means so much that you have taken the time to read what I have to say.

I might not have held up all my New Year’s resolutions for 2013, but it was one of the best years of my life. I hope it was a great one for you, too. Let’s go make 2014 even better.

Have a Happy New Year!

From the Life in the Lost Found Bin

A Year to Remember

Shout out to the best roommate a girl could ask for!

10 THINGS YOU LEARN AT COLLEGE

You learn a lot at college. In my first semester, I learned way more than I expected, but instead of pouring out all of the academic knowledge I acquired in a short post, I am going to tell you about what I learned about life.

1.     Distance matters. The people on your floor can become your best friends. At first, it concerned me that so many people said the people that live next to them ended up being their close friends. It’s frightening. What if you don’t like those people? What if you don’t find anyone that you click with? The truth is, there are plenty of people on my floor that I will never be good friends with—and honestly, I might never meet some of them. However, there are so many different kinds of people, that you are bound to find friends. I got lucky: I found lots of them.

2.     Everything changes. The things you think matter will change. No matter what you expected to care about in college, it will change. I am not saying your morals will change and you will completely reverse everything you have ever believed in. But it will make you question what you value and, what’s more, it will force you to consider why you ever applied to college in the first place.  

3.     Who you were in high school doesn’t matter. Most people don’t talk about what kind of people they were in high school. In fact, I don’t know much about the past of most of my close friends in college. I just found out at the end of the semester that one of my friends was valedictorian of his class, and he never brought it up, because he was so humble about it. It’s somewhat weird if you think about it, but you usually don’t spend too much time thinking about that. You live in the moment. You get to know who these people are right now because, after all, that’s all that matters.

4.     Guys have feelings, too. It’s really a beautiful thing, but if you ask any guy if this were true, they would probably deny it to the end of the earth. They often try to put a tough guy act on, but this is real life, guys. I have witnessed it. Put on Crazy Stupid Love, and watch college guys get emotionally invested in Steve Carell’s romantic fate. It’s like magic.

5.     Your address has changed. If you’re where you are meant to be, you won’t be homesick. In fact, when you go home on holiday break, you might feel homesick, because you know that you are away from your new home. It’s where you sleep and eat and socialize. In college, those are your most basic needs.

6.     You will keep in touch with the people that you care about most. The other night I was talking to my friend Grace*, who has been one of my best friends since I was 7-years-old. I share everything with her. She probably knows more about me than anyone else in the world. We don’t get to see each other very often now, and actually we didn’t see each other that much in high school, despite living about 10 minutes apart. Yet, we have texted almost everyday since both of us got cellphones in like 6^th grade. We could probably name each other’s college friends. She usually knows if I like a guy before I do. When I was debating over possible career choices, she could even tell me why I wouldn’t like certain jobs. You figure out who you want to keep in touch with, and you make it work. Period.

7.     There is never enough time. This sounds weird, but even when you’re studying it feels like the clock is broken because the hands are spinning so fast (or more realistically, that the digital numbers are changing rapidly, but that didn’t have the same finesse). As the saying goes, “time flies when you’re having fun.” I wouldn’t be the first person to admit reading textbooks and endless articles is not exactly a college kid’s idea of fun, but when we are up against midnight deadlines and exams coming up sooner than we expected, things change. The libraries are full of people downing Starbucks and Red bulls in hopes of harnessing enough energy to crank out a paper or memorize five chapters of information.

8.     Living in close quarters means you learn a lot about everyone. By the end of your first semester, you could have friends that feel like family. You will see them everywhere. When you go to the bathroom. When you leave for classes. When you go to eat. I don’t think I have ever spent so much time with the same group of people. The best is having late night talks that quite literally last until the middle of the night, when you realize how late it really is. And there is no faster way to bond with people then to have impromptu deep and meaningful talks about life.

9.     You are there to learn. Once classes start, it hits you: this isn’t just a place you came to hang out and make friends. You (or whoever is funding your education is) are spending thousands and thousands of dollars to get a degree that says you are knowledgeable and qualified to be a good worker. So go to the library. Join a club. And make this time matter.

10. Life takes time. The “I want it, and I want it now” mindset easy to get stuck in, but you often have to step back and realize that you aren’t going to have all of the answers right away. You shouldn’t expect to know what your major is or what career path you would take by the end of your first lecture. It takes time. In fact, many people who have graduated from college and are already in the work field don’t have it all figured out. The most important thing that I learned this semester was that the beauty of life is that you don’t have to know all the answers. You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Instead, all you have to do is give life your all and see where you end up, because that is all you can do. Worrying about the future is natural, but if you spend all of your time doing it, then you really are missing out on journey, which is really what it is all about. I know this is getting terribly cliché and sappy, but I am starting to believe for the first time in my life that right now is the best time in my life. Not just because it is college, but because it is today.

*The name has not been changed in this post. She offered her permission to write about her.

Freak-outs, Finals, and Other Fun

It’s that time of year: Finals Week. This is definitely the least merrily time of December, despite the holiday decorations and the cheerful music lightly playing throughout the halls. Every door is closed, some with a college kid behind them engulfing a textbook in attempt to learn a semesters worth of content in a matter of days. Other rooms are vacant, while the occupants are practically chained to a desk in the library.

 Netflix and sleep hold the greatest temptation. All anyone wants to do is lie in bed and watch endless episodes of shows like New Girl and Breaking Bad. Instead, our minds are consumed with equations and complex concepts, hoping that we they will stay in our brains long enough to pass the exams.

Some Motivation

It’s crunch time. Grab your textbooks and your highlighters; we’re going on a journey to the end of our sanity. But don’t stress too much, because if your stress level is too high, then you won’t perform as well. I’ve learned it’s all about finding a happy balance. Don’t spend every last second cramming information from the last 15 weeks in 2 days. Hit the important points and take little breaks to relax your mind.

When I have a moment of panic about tests, I take a step back and think about the things that I have to look forward after. Sleep. Family. Home. Friends. Cookies (It’s that time of year). Christmas. Also, I look back at the rest of semester, and I realize that I had my time. I have made such great friends, and I have had such great experiences. Now it’s time to show what else we got out of this semester. 

Some people that keep me motivated

Christmas is Coming

 It's that time of year again, and I couldn't be more excited. The snow is finally falling, Christmas music is playing in every retail shop you go in, and the stringed lights are lining the streets. This weekend, I got to go to Chicago for the first time, and it was one of the best days I have had this semester. It was finally started to feel like Christmas.

With an Eggnog Latte in hand, and an open agenda, I set off to explore the city with friends. We went straight to the Bean and took our cliche pictures in the reflections. We headed to Michigan Avenue and went straight to the shops, spending hours admiring clothing and jewelry--even though none of us actually bought anything all day.  We even got a free sample of the peppermint bark from the Ghirardelli chocolate store.

I felt like the typical tourist, in awe of the magnitude of the buildings--I walked with my neck turned up, trying to take it all in. It felt like a movie, maybe because there are so many different movies set in Chicago, and maybe because as I looked around me, it felt magical. We watched the people ice skating in the park, and it seemed like there wasn't a better way to spend the morning.

There was a point in the day where all we could do was sit, exhausted by the constant walking and the over-stimulation of the buzzing city. But even when we were resting, I was enjoying it. This was a break from a reality, without homework or the stress of worrying about tests and papers. It was the best way to commence the holiday season and spend time with the girls. We realized that after a few minutes of browsing in stores, we would stop and start talking in the middle of the crowds. It was like we traveled 2 and half hours on a school bus to have extended girl talk.

There isn't another way that I would have rather spent my Saturday. The Christmas season is here, and all my wishes are coming true.